"i’d crumpled up a lot of paper working on various
drafts of what i wanted to you at this moment. ball after ball of unfinished
writes and rewrites toss aside because my mind couldn’t complete a full
thought…or because the words i’d tried using seemed to lack the intensity I
needed to relay right now. sure, they burned yet i felt they didn’t fully
express my love for you how i wished them to. they didn’t convey enough
passion… they didn’t convey enough desire… they failed to communicate just how
deep this connection between us is or exactly what our bond means to me. and
then i realized that maybe, just maybe, it’s because truths i’d questioned in
the past had actually been truth: when i’d written a work before about marriage
for someone else and said i probably wouldn’t be able to pen another better
even for myself i was correct; i couldn’t. and when i’d said i’d more than
likely use that piece at my own wedding i was correct again; i am. well, at
least exerpts…"what is love? i could take the biblical route and write that first corinthians 13:4 says "love is patient, love is kind. it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud". or i could use quotes from a couple of greek philosophers like plato or aristotle and say, “love is the joy of the good, the wonder of the wise, the amazement of the gods” or “love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies." perhaps something poetic like saint augustine saying, “love is the beauty of the soul” or john keats with “i could be martyr'd for my religion --- love is my religion --- and i could die for that.”
but i won’t. they're all right; love is all of those things. but most importantly, i think love is knowing. love is knowing that in another person you've found a best friend to confide in, a partner to build a life with, a lover with which to share intimacy and passion. love is knowing that despite any situation that may befall them, any obstacle that may threaten to come between them; everything they encounter from this moment on is neither about him or her individually. that the life they’ll live will be a collective existence; where his weaknesses and strengths will balance out with hers; where his thoughts and feelings seem to be reflected in her and vice versa. on one accord, even when they disagree, because they both know disagreements are only transient; that the foundation their relationship is built on is based on more than the physical and more than the emotional. it’s about knowing that the love they’ve developed for one another is based on a spiritual bond. he doesn’t just love her because she has the most beautiful smile. and she doesn’t just love him because he makes her feel the happiest she’s ever felt in her life. they love each other because some time, at some point, they both realized they were connected to one another; that being apart from each other was like missing the most vital part of themselves; and having experienced what they could be and still not being together was a fate infinitely worse than the lives they were living before they’d met.
love
is knowing…love is knowing your heart belongs to another; and you’re both good
with that."
and i am good with this.
i remember the day i introduced myself to you. you were
sitting in a chair in the alcove on the first floor of my building and i was on
my way out but something, call it a false sense of bravado, compelled me to
walk over to you to say hello. so i did… and you smiled and said hello back.
then i asked you your name and i remember you saying, “my name is cozetta but
everyone calls me taba. what’s your name? i told you my name. and right before
i left you, and this is the part i treasure, i said, “taba right? i won’t
forget that.” but the truth is i had jacked your name up before i’d gotten out
the door; “taebo”, “baba”, other things that weren’t even remotely close and i
felt extremely bad for not being able to lock your name into my mind. so when i
saw you in the same place the next day, i was elated at the opportunity for
redemption. i walked over and we exchanged pleasantries like we had the
previous day. then i asked you your name again and you repeated “taba” and i
told you once more that “i wouldn’t forget”. i want to say i haven’t forgotten
your name since that day; know that. but crediting my having an exceptional
memory for that would be a mistake. i’ve come to realize that your name stays
with me, not because i have it in my mind, but because i’ve placed it in my
heart.
we're standing here right now... because you're where you
belong... in my heart.cozetta... i love you. i thank god for setting you on my path and you for deciding to hold my hand as we walk it. i look forward to sharing the journey that life has in store for us. "always and forever...""
