Quotes...Peter Griffin

"you know why i married you, lois? it's not just the rack, or the caboose. it's that big sexy brain of yours."

Writes..."Niche Writing"

"jeezy said, 'yeah, be the realest shit i never wrote
i ain't write this by the way nigga, some real shit right here nigga
this'll be the realest shit you ever quote...'

well i did write this shit right here and that doesn't make it any less real. 'cause i only really know how to come one way, i come from the heart. every word that makes up every thought...from the heart. i write what i'm feeling even though there are times i'd rather not be feeling the things that i'm writing. i know pain and heartache so i write about pain and heartache. but that shit's getting old, even to me. people have told me that i have a way with words. perhaps? so why not try writing about something else? i think i'm gonna start writing about magical faraway lands, places with fairies and elves. you can call me j.r.r. "bro"-lkien. is "hobbit" copyrighted? or what about spy novels, with james bond-like characters. pussy galore? yeah, i bet. how 'bout (br)ian fleming? i don't know, i just know i need to be penning something else.

but back to "the realest shit i never wrote". wait! that was real as anything jeezy's ever spit. anyway...

maybe there's more than pain and heartache to my new work. maybe she opens the door and another chapter begins for us. maybe it goes something like this...

the first time i saw her after the last time i saw her didn't come as much of a surprise as the time in between had been. i told her i was coming and she was waiting for me. it was pretty late when i walked up to her doorstep and knocked on the door. and i kinda felt like an asshole about it, normally i wouldn't visit someone that late. normally i wouldn't visit anyone at all. but this wasn't something i could do whenever i wanted to. we're in two different cities...with two different lives. and you have to take advantage of the opportunities you've given, right? i was back there and she was there, so late was gonna have to be better than never. plus, she knew it was gonna be late when i got there, she could've told me not to come. so i gotta assume she wanted to see me as bad as i wanted to see her. and i was desperate to see her. so, no, the seeing her wasn't really a surprise at all. the how you go from being head over heels in love, to not talking, to a memory and so quickly, was much more of a mystery. i don't know and i really don't like to think about it. all i'll say is that there were two people involved and two people at fault for what happened between us. i can't speak for her but i know that despite the fact that we weren't talking or in each other's lives during that time, i never stopped thinking about her. and though we'd both moved on to other things in our lives, i never stopped loving her. never. but i said nothing as she showed me into her house.

we sat down on the couch and were greeted by the magical sofa nymphs that called the space beneath the cushions home. they introduced themselves as "arden" and "elias", king and queen of "broyhillia", land of the sofa nymphs. they are a gentle people who had known nothing but peace for centuries...i can't write that shit. it's sounding ridiculous. anyway, we talked and it was like old times, when we were together, happy and full of hope for our future. not like the present when she had somebody but wasn't happy. and i had nobody and wasn't happy either. but i could recall times when we'd both been happy. if i mentioned sawyer point with the kids would she laugh? would she remember how i chased her daughters around the playground that day? if i brought up watching the airplanes by the airport another day would she smile? would she wonder if she still had the pictures we took that day? maybe she would do all of those things. but i said nothing as we continued talking about everything else and nothing in particular.

minutes became hours and yet time stood still. we'd always been comfortable and at peace in one another's company and nothing had diminished that. and as our conversation continued, the incidental contact increased as the distance between us decreased. a light brushing of the thigh, a hand to the arm to emphasize a point. a gaze that lasted a little longer then it probably should have. and suddenly i understood what jeezy meant. the "realest shit i never wrote" isn't anything i've already penned in this thought. it's what happened when we looked into each other's eyes and we both realized that we could be happy again, together. it's what happened after i took her hand in my own and lead her down the hallway into her bedroom. the "realest shit i never wrote" kept us in that bedroom the rest of the night. and me in her heart the rest of my life. and that'll be the "realest shit you ever quote". yep, i finally said something."

Writes..."I'm Blowing My Insanity Defense"

"i shouldn't be writing any of this. they're gonna use this blog as evidence of mental instability..."

one of my favorite "me" lines ever.

Writes...Nicole Simpson Can't Rap...And Neither Can I...IV"

"i ain't violent but i merk the paper i pen these words on
making it bleed profusely, a ninja getting his swords on
"woosh, woosh, woosh", i'm a verbal assassin, harassin'
her ass and, with passion, my hands, i think i need a third one"

again, all apologies to "real" rappers, i'm still just fucking around.

Writes..."Should I Stay...Or Should I Go?"

""do you want me to stay?" those six words are all i can muster while wiping away tears and fighting back my own. i haven't held her in my arms for much too long a time and neither one of us is ready to let go. of this embrace, of this moment, of our history or our feelings. so we hold on, clinging to a happiness that's escaped us during our absence from one another. we kiss again, this time with an urgency that only comes with the realization that we can't stay entangled like this forever. this moment is passing despite what our hearts want, despite what i want. i want her...because i love her. and i love her...because i want her. but i need her to tell me she wants me to stay as much as i need her to tell me she loves me. i need to know if where she is is where she wants me to be. "tell me you want me to stay.""

Presents...WTF???

Writes..."How My Life Was Changed By A Burger King Chicken Sandwich Promotion"

"man, you wouldn't believe how much i hate mondays. even after a weekend of chilling with the "wife", doing absolutely nothing of significance...wait, spending time with the "wife" is significant. i'll never make the mistake of trivializing our time together so i'll re-write. after days of fun with the family, after nights of making love to my love, i would have been content if the waning hours of sunday had lasted forever and another monday had never come. still, i guess if you were pressing me for a positive about mondays it would have to be 2 for 3 dollars chicken sandwiches at "burger king". yeah, i know. 2 for 3 dollars?! i know!!! but mondays are exponentially better because of this promotional. which is a sad commentary on life, though perhaps just my own life. but hey, did i mention they're 2 for 3 dollars?! dude, that's like getting one for free!!!

alas, today is monday and the "wife" and i are in west chester, driving around like we have nothing to do. but there are kids at school and daycare and somebody's gotta go pick them up. and relatively soon too. it's a little after 1:30 and we've got less than a hour and a half to swoop the first one before making our way for the second. but we're hungry and it is monday. and an hour and a half is plenty of time to sit our asses down at a table and gaze lovingly into each other's eyes while we grab a bite to eat. she parks the car and we head into the "burger king" i've been eyeing since we hit west chester. 2 for 3? more like 4 for 6, with fries, pies and cokes. if you're gonna do it, you gotta do it right, right? there are a couple of people in front of us, an elderly gentleman and his wife, then a mother with a little boy. i touch her arm and motion for her to watch as the old man holds his wife's hand while attempting to count out correct change to pay for their food. "seventy-five, seventy-six, seventy-seven, seventy-eight, seventy-nine...eight seventy-nine, there you are ma'am", his wife squeezing his hand so tightly my hand starts to hurt. but i understood. she is so frail-looking, a slight breeze would probably knock her over. and he holds on to her like he knows that. i lean down to whisper into her ear, "that's us in fifty years" and she smiles as he, tray in one hand, leads her towards a window booth. the mother asks her son what he wants to eat and he names off like twenty things, practically the left side of the menu, until his mom finally decides he'll either eat a hamburger kid's meal or go home hungry. i honestly think that kid was still ordering food after he and his mother had their food and were seated at another booth in the restaurant. i watch her, the cashier's fucking up our order and her tone is changing. why do people make her tone change? when her tone changes she's less than calm and i need her to be calm. i give her "the look" and she smirks at me. she already knows what i'm gonna say so she utters a few "woosahs" under her breath and proceeds to deal with the cashier in a much more "diplomatic" way. i'm proud of her but i already know i will be checking my food for spit, you know, just in case someone didn't feel there was sincerity in her sudden change in demeanor. our food's ready and i keep my head down, hoping they're unaware i'm really kinda suspicious about how it may or may have not been cared for. but whatever...if i find bubbles where there shouldn't be any, they're gonna need more than the "king" to stop somebody from getting stabbed with one of their plastic forks. i pick up our tray and carry it to a two-seat table where we can share an intimate lunch together. i love every moment i get to spend with the "wife" and i try not to take any of them for granted. not even a 2 for 3 dollar chicken sandwich lunch on a monday at "burger king".

"wife"...i don't exactly know when i started calling her that but i know it was pretty early in our relationship. the funny thing is people have been giving me shit about it. they've seen the myspace surveys where in which i answer those relevant questions by referring to her as the "wife". "what are you thinking about right now? the wife. what would you rather be doing right now? in bed with the wife." and for some reason that's unacceptable to them. like it's an affront to marriage or something, like i'm blaspheming the title. or when some people ask how we're doing and i tell them we're good and that i'm done looking for someone, that i've found the person that i want to spend my life with, they scoff because apparently we haven't been together long enough for me to know that. "hey, you still with your girl?" "um, yeah. you see this chain don't you?" "you shouldn't wear that, when you break up it'll just be a remainder of her." "well, we are together and that's its purpose now. i look at it and i see her smile. i hold it in my hands and i'm touching her. and she does the same. plus, we're not gonna break up. she's the one. and now i'm done." damn, a show of confidence please!!! just how long is knowing you want to be with someone supposed to take? how long until your heart knows it needs that other person to survive? who knows? i know i knew right away. i knew the first time i held her in my arms i didn't want anyone else occupying the space of my heart. she's talking to me between bites of sandwich and fries but my mind is drifting. i'm thinking about us and our future. our future. those two words... i know how i feel about her. and i know how she feels about me. i know today we've never been happier in our lives and that we owe each other more than a little bit of gratitude for that. i wonder if we'll be as happy in 5 years, or in 20 years, 50 years. and then it hits me. the fact that i'm even asking myself these questions tells me all i need to know about her and us. about what i want and what i want to do about it. so in the middle of her saying something i hadn't really been paying any attention to, i take an ring-sized onion ring from the tray and drop to one knee in front of her. she stops talking, she pretty much stops everything. she's not blinking, she's kinda just staring at me and i have to check her neck to make sure she's still breathing and hasn't gone all "mannequin" on me. one thing for sure though, she isn't laughing. she knows me well enough to know that i'm not bullshitting her with this proposal. this is no joke. yeah i can be as silly and as crazy as the best of them but i don't fuck around when it comes to my relationships, either literally or figuratively. i slide the onion ring "ring" onto her finger and i tell her that every day we've been together has been better than the day before it because every day i fall more in love with her. i tell her that i'll always love her, that nothing will ever change that, that we're forever. so, on the dirty floor of a "burger king" restaurant selling 2 for 3 dollar chicken sandwiches, i ask her to be my wife. but because of perspiring eyes and unintelligible words, it takes an employee wiping off a nearby table to tell me she said yes. i stand up to take her by the hand and we kiss for the first time knowing that "wife" isn't just a pet name anymore, it's our future.

so in the middle of her saying something i hadn't really been paying any attention to, i catch myself. she's right, we'd better get a move on if we're going to get to the school by 3. and with that, we pack up our stuff and are on our way. another monday in a forever full of mondays for us...

except not. 'cause that was long ago and now she's where she is and i'm not there. and we're wondering where we went wrong. maybe if i had proposed that monday at "burger king" things might have been different. i don't know but i think about it. i think about that and chicken sandwiches not being 2 for 3 dollars where i am."

Presents...Eminem from "Forever"

before i post this i'm gonna ask if it's wrong for me to skip drake, kanye and lil wayne every time i hear this song just to get to these lyrics...?

"there they go, packin’ stadiums
as shady spits his flow,
nuts they go, macadamian they go so ballistic whoa,
we can make them look like bozo’s,
he’s wondering if he should spit this slow,
fuck no go for broke,
his cup just runneth over oh no
he ain't had a buzz like this since the last time that he overdosed,
they’ve been waiting patiently for pinnochio to poke his nose,
back into the game and they know,
rap will never be the same as before,
bashin’ in the brains of these hoes,
and establishing a name as he goes,
the passion and the flame is ignited,
you can’t put it out once we light it,
this shit is exactly what the fuck that i’m talking about when we riot,
you dealin with a few true villians
who stand inside of the booth truth spillin,
and spit true feelings, until our tooth fillings come flying up out of our mouths
now rewind it
payback muthafucka for the way that you doubted me so how’s it taste?
when i slap the taste out your mouth with the bass so loud that it shakes the place,
i’m hannibal lecter so just in case your thinking of saving face,
you ain't gonna have no face to save by the time i'm through with this place,
so drake…"

Presents..."Frogs" by Alice In Chains

"what does friend mean to you?
a word so wrongfully abused
are you like me, confused
all included but you
alone...

the sounds of silence often soothe
shapes and colors shift with mood
pupils widen and change their hue
rapid brown avoid clear blue

why's it have to be this way
be this way (5x)

flowers watched through wide brown eyes bloom
a child sings an unclaimed tune
innocence spins cold cocoon
grow to see the pain too soon

why's it have to be this way
be this way (5x)

"at 7 am on a Tuesday, usual August ...
next week I'll be 28...
i'm still young, it'll be me...
off the wall I scrape... you...
i can't wake, i gotta wake...
to cause this wake, i gotta wake no more...
it causes wake, to drown this hate....
to never really stay, never will.....
you take your plate...
put me through hell, live, live...
direct your fate...
you say i can do it so well...
your expiration date...
fate, date, expiration date...
(this was the last time)
hate...
and don't fuck with me again...
my own clean slate...
don't fuck with me again...
makes your eyes dilate...
makes you shake...
irate..."

Presents..."Born Yesterday" by Philip Larkin

"tightly-folded bud,
i have wished you something
none of the others would:
not the usual stuff
bout being beautiful,
or running off a spring
of innocence and love -
they will all wish you that,
and should it prove possible,
well, you're a lucky girl.

but if it shouldn't, then
may you be ordinary;
have, like other women,
an average of talents:
not ugly, not good-looking,
nothing uncustomary
to pull you off your balance,
that, unworkable itself,
stops all the rest from working.
in fact, may you be dull -
if that is what a skilled,
vigilant, flexible,
unemphasised, enthralled
catching of happiness is called."