Writes..."Reckless...One 12-Syllable Line At A Time"

“i tell her i love her but she’s not feeling me…

and by not feeling me, i mean literally,
no part of her is touching me physically…
‘cause tonight she isn’t where she should really be…
and her breasts and ass aren’t where they should really be;
one in my grasp, while the other’s concealing me…
i find no hands on my body revealing the…
parts of myself that i’d expose appealingly…
truth is the distance between us is killing me;
“us” being our “sextin’” parts what’s i really mean…
i can’t think anymore, the strain is killing me,
i’m so hard, i’d piss only to be spilling pee…
my dick’s a pole: steel but curved like the “phillies p”;
and my testicles: as blue as a “phillies p”…
so i say fuck the hand that life is dealing me…
no girl, no kids; a fucked-up hand’s reality…
in life i’m forced to fuck my hand unwillingly…
and risk the chance of future children spilling free…
i just shot the next black prez at the ceiling, see…
‘cause i have to do that since she’s not feeling me…”

Quotes...Me...VIII

"they said eventually the feeling will fade but i want the "butterflies in my stomach" that i get when i think of her to remain there forever."

"what exactly does "real talk" mean and why do people feel the need to emphasize what they say by using the phrase? i'm not really one to waste words, so know if i'm speaking at all that shit is as "real" as it gets."

"life's always been a bitch...i just discovered i'm not fucking her right."

"the world's full of assholes; i'm the laxative that makes their shit tolerable."

"nipples don't get fatter."

"i wish women would stop echoing my feelings. i'm tired of hearing the things i say merely directed back at me as original thought."

"nothing gets my dick softer than a woman that lacks confidence. well, other than ejaculating in a woman that lacks confidence."

Writes..."Az Yet"

"she's chosen to be become a better person because of him, not because of him." - me

"i am an asshole for saying that, or, i could be an asshole for saying those words and i'd be ok with people thinking that if that's what they think. sometimes that's the case when i express how i feel, and i've already discovered if you choose to feel anything about anything you have to be able to accept that folks will probably feel something about your feelings. even if the majority may not agree with me; hell, i spend my life as a minority as it is (bonus points for wordplay). but it's cool either way, it's what i believe. just know that i'm not an asshole for using doublespeak in my quote because i didn't say the same thing twice. well, i did, but i didn't mean the same thing twice.

"she's chosen to become a better person because of him, not because of him" - me…again

my point is merely this…

she says she does this now, and she's trying to stop that; and i can see that she's making great strides to "be better" than she's been in the past. but she says these things and while i listen to her talk, i don't hear any of this effort to be due to the overwhelming positive influence her partner has had on her. i don't know, perhaps this bothers me because i want to believe in "overwhelming" and it just isn't the right word to use. to hear her tell it, "nonexistent" would be a more accurate adjective for describing his affirming qualities. so not "because of him", or the uplifting presence he instills in her, the changes she's making in her life can be attributed to her realization that there is no positive and that only by working on herself can she attempt to find some sense of balance between them...well, until she does those things because of him. 

but people don't change, look at me. i said i was an asshole and this thought serves as proof."

Writes..."What I Want...In 36 Bars"

"tired of fuckin' around on some other shit…
sick of the same b.s. where the things that i get…
i've deemed just as crappy as the things that i shit…
dropping kids at the pool, er, a bathroom toilet…
i've already referenced shit three times; aww, fuck it…
my mood is shitty; thus, words an asshole would spit…
if it dumped on paper; an explosion of shit…
sprayed on a page, it's lasting; so one not forget…
my heart scripted in brown's nasty, so let me quit…
this thought's on what i want; i'm off the point of it…
a guide on what i need to do for getting it…
like i said before, i've been on some other shit…

let me start with the "cliff notes" version of my side…
i feel i must vent, so through writing i'll confide…
i've never asked for shit and i've not been denied…
'cause i've tended to get what i've sought when i've tried…
but the thing i wanted the most i never tried…
the release of my seed when her legs were spread wide…
a mixture of the two of us growing inside…
see, i want kids but i've found tunes already tied…
thus, my only wish for this life has been denied…
me as a father, a couple kids at my side… 
ones that i've fathered; lacking's proves i'm justified…
having no offspring reason enough to decide…

i can no longer let those chicks slide anymore…

ones with kids, still deciding if they want any more…
"fixed" 'til i've broken them at their maternal core…
and they realize 'cause of me they want to have more…
through mine she'd birth a fifth, she's already got four…
all girls: a set of twins ten, one seven, one four…
even if her words ring true, my heart does implore…
for me to move on 'cause i've heard that shit before…
why take a chance on a chick who's already bore…
more fruit than the local corner grocery store…
thirty-three means i can't compromise anymore…
thirty-three means i can't waste my time anymore…"

Writes..."The Pursuit Of Happ-"B"-ness"

"...life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness..." - thomas jefferson

"those are our unalienable rights, right?

so my most recent ex texts me asking if i'm happier now that we're no longer together. i guess that's a fair question; i mean it's definitely one i can easily answer. "no, not really", i tell her; responding as fast as it takes me to type out the words. but then my text goes unanswered. i don't know what she was expecting me to say; perhaps that i found our breakup to be a cause of great celebration for me or that i derived some sort of pleasure in ending our relationship. it wasn't…and i didn't…but my feelings on there no longer being an "us" don't matter because the truth is neither sentiment is particularly relevant towards my response. she asked if i am happier now and i answered honestly: i'm not happy at all, haven't been in a long time and while we were together she hadn't changed that…but i hadn't really expected her to.

not that any of that was her fault; my point is i used to believe differently: that i would meet a woman who would change my outlook on life or at least make me want to fake it better. and maybe, just maybe, i don't know, turn my perpetual frown upside down. but i've learned through living that one's happiness comes from within. so whether or not i end up happy will be due to my own actions. i guess what i'm saying is the determination of my "happiness" will come from me and not from other people. 

my "unhappiness", however, remains a different story."

Writes..."An Od"E""

“it’s in the dark of night, whilst laying in my bed,

the most insightful notions swirl ‘round in my head…

profound; i reflect at times i should be asleep,

i’ve found in thinking of her, thoughts are always deep…

and i'll admit to thinking about her a lot;

perhaps more than i should, considering she’s not…

mine, yet i’d never view her as a possession,

‘though i wish she were is my averse confession…

i'm hesitant to profess the feelings i own…

they remain hidden from her; a secret unknown…

thus i'm forced to contemplate while under cover;

how she’ll know my heart without knowing i love her?

'cept she knows, just views my words in another sense…

merely a phrase from a friend, she sees no difference…

my "i love you" isn’t one really meaning love,

at least not from the one i have loving thoughts of…

am i wrong to believe what i say should mean more,

especially when she’s heard “i love you” before?

from those who whispered it sweetly into her ears;

and as both proved empty, they’d reduced her to tears…

but never mine, i understand before i speak,

when they come from me, they’re three words truly unique…

‘though the “more” may be more difficult to explain,

it means when others fade away, that we'll still remain…

having been a constant since the day we first met,

i’ll always be by her side so she not forget;

that even when she can’t see it, in someone’s eyes,

she’s more beautiful than even she does realize…

i’ve observed the striking face and the gorgeous smile;

seen she’s flawless with her clothes, her make-up, her hairstyle…

and i appreciate every part as a whole,

but find her best feature to be her caring soul…

sometimes i wonder exactly how she sees me…

just as her friend? well, our friendship happens to be,

a most valuable gift to be able to claim…

ask her and i’m sure that she will tell you the same…

yet we're destined for more, at least i’ve always felt,

even if the chances of an “us” have seemed svelte…

but that idea concealed means i'm not understood;

so, like i said, i think ‘bout her more than i should…

times when i imagine she’s prone under a sheet…

dead to the world, for two or three hours complete…

and dreaming lovely dreams of the most wondrous kind;

ones that prove the day's stresses have been left behind…

like the one where she's wearing a white dress that flows,   

her hands rest on her arms as the wind gently blows…

brown eyes; a witness to the most amazing view:

a beach of white sand leading to the ocean blue…

and maybe, just maybe, she’s placed me in a scene…

where we, together, share a moment that’s serene;

peaceful; calm; a setting we deem intimate bliss…

concluding nothing before's been better than this…

no one, with whom she or i had spent any time,

had produced an ambience for us as sublime…

in my vision, ardor’s finally by my side;

proof that when true love is real, it won’t be denied…

but i know that's just wishful thinking on my part…

the results of evicting what lives in one's heart…

this ode penned is emotion settled on a page;

and all sentiment: payment of a lover’s wage…

these are the thoughts in a moonlit room i conceive;

praying when morning comes what she reads she'll believe… 

i hope that i won't discover my words betray,

a man who knows love through what his mouth wouldn't say…”

Presents..."From This Moment On" by Shania Twain

"i have a long history with this song; i'll just state that when i first heard it i recognized it as exactly what i would want to say to my bride at the altar."

"(i do swear that i'll always be there. i'd give anything
and everything and i will always care. through weakness
and strength, happiness and sorrow, for better, for worse,
i will love you with every beat of my heart.)

from this moment life has begun
from this moment you are the one
right beside you is where i belong
from this moment on

from this moment i have been blessed
i live only for your happiness
and for your love i'd give my last breath
from this moment on

i give my hand to you with all my heart
can't wait to live my life with you, can't wait to start
you and i will never be apart
my dreams came true because of you

from this moment as long as i live
i will love you, i promise you this
there is nothing i wouldn't give
from this moment on

you're the reason i believe in love
and you're the answer to my prayers from up above
all we need is just the two of us
my dreams came true because of you

from this moment as long as i live
i will love you, i promise you this
there is nothing i wouldn't give
from this moment
i will love you as long as i live
from this moment on"

Writes..."Frozen"

"an image of she and i cannot be erased,
yet i've tried to forget every intimate scene...
like times she begged hands of mine be gently placed...
on her neck, then her shoulders, then the space between...

her heaving chest held a heart once broken-hearted...
that required a delicate pass o'er each breast...
i sensed pain in her when my fingers had departed...
at least that's what the sounds she made did suggest...

so i ensured to keep my touch on her until…
the fear of a separation of us was done…
thus, a hand stayed behind her so she’s closer still,
though we'd stood so close, we'd almost been one…

as an picture of love, a still frozen in time,
a sight labeled as desire personified…
right now i close my eyes only to find that i’m…
unable to overlook tender feelings inside…”

Presents..."Juggernauts" by Slaughterhouse

"this is my song. i'd call it a new anthem or a cut on the soundtrack of my life but i won't. all i'll say is i can't stop listening to it. plus, for all those bulls fans in the 90's, you recognize the sample from jump. "6'6'' from north carolina...michael...you know the rest.""

"[verse 1: royce da 5'9"]
hey, we ain’t really gotta keep going through this
if anybody wanna rap circles 'round you, my nigga, we 'bout to do it
you about that bitch, dough, and that swag, that’s it
let me talk about us, we about that bitch, dough and that swag
we about that sitting on that ave
and because we sitting on that ave
we about that pistol in that bag
we about that fist fight, only after we grab a fist full of that cash
we about that get right, what you have perceived the least but not last
we are the sickest scribbling with that pen, that pencil and that pad
and y'all talking this and that, so what
my click can wrap my dough up
now picture that, i write the sloppiest verses down you seen
i hand it in for green
so i can buy all of my bitches bags with the stacks
and call the cash chicken scratch
slaughter baby we just getting warm
y'all ain't fucking nothing we can't fuck
y'all ain't driving nothing we can't drive
if we can't afford it we just take yours
see ya'll little niggas just misinformed
shady blew up, took the game, turn around
and ten years later he gave it to the

[hook x2: eminem]
juggernauts of this rap shit (7x)
like it or not

[verse 2: crooked i]
some of you niggas is bitches too, you rocking panties, huh
sit down when you pissing too, you niggas trannies, huh
what you stand for is beneath me, you understand me, huh
niggas get x'd like the professor and juggernauts running our family, huh
homie i was making checks before that martin margiela
and niggas was rocking avirex, now hot rappers date my ex-s
and i'm still rated x, stick my dick so far in a bitch's throat
it'll come out the other side and turn a blowjob into anal sex
ain’t no next, cause i got now until i decide to to bow, avow your style
it ain’t gonna mean a thang cause i came to bring the pain like tical
nigga, now, we're the juggernauts to this rap shit
bust a shot with ya ratchet
when suckas dropping that whack shit

[verse 3: joell ortiz]

ask them hood niggas if i hug the block
ask these broads if i slide on that glove and uppercut that box
man i come from the roughest so if i come up in the spot
and you bugging i’m tellin you suckas watch, i’m a take off that fucking watch
and scratch a, bitch, i'll be on a nigga ear, scream juggernaut
he hot, that don’t mean that he nice, y'all get that confused a lot
2pac, i don’t sacrifice what i write for the newest drop
big pop, us big boys still clean down to the socks
then sprinkle a little big l on top
i’m what the fuck you got, put porter rock
with a pen and eminem as a friend i’m touching this entenmanns
that’s cake, you little boys don’t get it so listen let’s make amends
we don’t wanna be bullies, y’all wanna get beat up
so lift your knees up and start running
or put your knees down on the ground and bow cause we the

[hook x2]

[verse 4: joe budden]
look, it's house gang on that shady street
chill, y'all already know the address
where the eulogy's said, so they assuming he's dead
before that body hit that bag yet
be face to face with them slugs
sad cause my goons ain’t load that mag yet
in the bottom of the ocean floating
they hoping they gon find your ass with that drag net (nah)
(blat, blat, blat) you're listening to a juggernaut
she just gon' sit by the pool 'til one nigga decide if i’m ready to fuck or not
rap is contingent on everything other than rap, so no we ain’t discussed a lot
it's sad when they wasting your passion
not do it for cash when they tell me they up the pot
nigga you would too, if you knew, what this game would do to you
been in this since 2002, look at all the bullshit i've been through
so-called beef with nobody's, i mention them and they nobody's
they say they killers, got no bodies, i’m sober talkin on no molly's
it’s joe probably won’t throw not one bottle in the club
honestly, it's worthless killing the purpose of these hollows in these gloves
and really i’m having a much better time on the couch with these models on my nuts
the minute we raid is the minute you’ll see us show these cock-a-roaches love (waddup)

[outro: joe budden]
what on earth will the fuck boys do next?"

Presents...30 Months

"with it looking like the new blogger interface sticking this time, i'm going to make this the first new post 'cause, oh yeah, i hit 2 and a half years of blogging yesterday. wow!"