Writes..."S...Mc..."

i've been hesitant to post this for weeks. but 80% of the people who've read it said they cried, so i've deemed it post-worthy.

"she's not mine so i wonder if she's anybody's. see, an "apostrophe"; meaning possessive but not a possession; as if she were something to be acquired and owned. like the addition of another painting or sculpture to one's own personal collection of art, meant only to be gazed upon in awe and reverenced for its beauty. or a tool; a prop used to inspire jealousy in the less fortunate, from people who aren't or never will be. no, she's not mine; but she doesn't have to be for me to be a man who sees her as she is; a woman deserving of being loved fully; a woman deserving of being "somebody else's". so when i write "i wonder if she's anybody's...", it's not a question of whether or not she's somebody's wife or girlfriend or significant other, i'm not talking about that kind of possessive. i mean i wonder if she's anybody else's "heart". you know, that term people use when they're totally enamored with another person; when they feel like despite having professed those kinds of feelings to others before, that now they're with the only one they've ever really loved. it's what people say when it seems as though they're merely an empty vessel, and the thing that they feel they need the most to survive is the thing that they love the most about that person; and the thing that they know they want the most is to be filled and sustained by that thing they've discovered in loving that person. if hamlet had said, "to be or not to be someone's "heart", that is the question"; it really wouldn't have been an inquiry as much as a declaration promoting the achievement of a state of being we should all secretly desire to attain: to have someone want to keep a part of what you are with them forever.

so again i ask: is she somebody's "heart"? is she somebody's "one that got away" or another's "lost love"? is she the one that someone pines over when they're crying and thinking that her not being with them is the biggest mistake they've ever made? honestly i don't know...i have thoughts that she is and i'd probably be right but i don't know her as well as i should; so i won't speculate on such matters. but even in this time of us re-connecting, or at least in this time of us getting to know each other a little better than we did when we were younger, i'd like to think i know her well enough to believe that somebody, somewhere, lies awake at night, unable to sleep for thoughts of what she'd been to them: friend; lover; maybe even their "heart". i'm sure somebody's out there alone in his bed, contemplating past experiences he'd shared with her; or future events that probably won't happen between them; but mostly wondering what he did to end up in his present state: alone in his bed and her not beside him, the way they'd once been. moving his hand over the sheets that she'd once slept under and wondering if he had loved her the way she deserves to be loved when he'd had her as his own. when it had been all she wanted from him, had he given every part of himself to her; and in turn, taken everything she had offered him? if he had realized the gift he'd had when she had decided he was worthy of her love and she had given it to him unconditionally? when he'd had an opportunity, had he seen her for what she is; so much more than a pretty face; so much more than a luminous smile; so much more than what she looks like or the shape of her body. asking himself if he had seen her for being more than what his eyes had shown him? i think he and i would agree: probably not, as evidenced by the tears he's now leaving on his pillow due to his regret of losing her and the fact that there's a cold side of a bed that used to sleep two.

like i said earlier, i'm a man who sees her as she is: beautiful; but just not because of high cheekbones, pouty lips or flawless skin. she's beautiful because she allows herself to love others the way she wants to be loved: truly, madly, deeply. and it's that beauty that convinces me that she occupies a place in somebody's heart; she's too "s...mc..." not to have had a major impact on how or who someone loves. and if i were to speculate, like i said i wouldn't, i'd guess she's probably somebody's "heart" as well; she's too "s...mc..." not to have someone walking around wishing she was his again. "s...mc..." means she loves hard; despite the trials and tribulations that have tried to alter her way of thinking. "s...mc..." means she loves well; despite the obstacles and pitfalls that have tried to deter her from a loving path; she remains steadfast because she still believes that somebody, somewhere, is traveling the same road she is. and she's right, even if she can't see him yet.

so the real question is: if the purpose of this thought was to establish why i think she's someone worthy of "heart" status (and i think i did a good job of that), how does one become her "heart"? i guess i'll have to ask her that.