"i know that posting the things i've said or written in the past is the equivalent of a blogged "clip show" but in re-reading my own quotes i've come to realize there's something wrong with me; something wickedly brilliant...something most people won't understand. i like to think this post offers insight into the person i am...and how difficult it is to be me.
""i don't have any kids 'cause i've been thinking with the wrong head."
"pen to paper makes her happy."
"ask two people for the truth and it tends to lie somewhere in between what they tell you."
"it's funny how the most unfortunate-looking people still find ways to make themselves look even less appealing."
"i'm not going to say "i know what i want" anymore. truth is, the more accurate statement is "i know what I don't want"."
"if i say "thank you" for something, don't fucking "yep" me. a simple "yw" will suffice; and it takes even less effort to type out."
"i don't have an "inner circle"; it's more like an "inner line segment".
"women have told me that i'm hard to read, but i believe now it's because i probably wasn't as in to them as they would've hoped. i know me and when i'm feeling a woman, i'm a freaking pop-up book."
"women are right: i do only want one thing."
"i'm a flawed man, i make mistakes...just not in spelling or math."
"we're all assholes; i'm just the kind that writes poetry and remembers your birthday."
"women who continue to treat every guy they met like the asshole they've already had shit on any new relationships right from the beginning."
"every day life's greatest irony is confirmed to me: women don't want me...but they want the man they have to be exactly like me."
"please stop telling me how "real" you are. know what makes me "real"? not having to say it cause i don't give a fuck if you care if i'm "real" or not."
"they said eventually the feeling will fade but i want the "butterflies in my stomach" that i get when i think of her to remain there forever."
"what exactly does "real talk" mean and why do people feel the need to emphasize what they say by using the phrase? i'm not really one to waste words, so know if i'm speaking at all that shit is as "real" as it gets."
"life's always been a bitch...i just discovered i'm not fucking her right."
"the world's full of assholes; i'm the laxative that makes their shit tolerable."
"nipples don't get fatter."
"i wish women would stop echoing my feelings. i'm tired of hearing the things i say merely directed back at me as original thought."
"nothing gets my dick softer than a woman that lacks confidence. well, other than ejaculating in a woman that lacks confidence."
"life is gooder when you have someone in your heart."
"if you're speaking my words then "baw's in your mouth"."
"suicide by pen; i bleed myself out in gut-spilling words..."
"if your goal in life is contentment, even if you succeed you fail."
"my word and my effort...that's all i am."
"i never root against love. well, except when i think it won't cover the spread."
"my hands are going to get me into trouble: either from some quip i wrote or some clit i stroke."
"i'm blessed to be able to say that while i've experienced bad things in my life, i've never had to go through the worst things can be."
"notice how the people who tend to say "looks aren't everything" tend to be the people who don't look like anything."
"sure, love has left me discouraged at times but i'll never give up on it. i can't. 'cause in my attempt to determine why, i came to realize i'm too fucking arrogant to do so. "someone not love the person that i am? c'mon man, it's me.""
"i've come to the conclusion that i need to be the number one priority of someone, even if that person has to be me."
"telling her that her vagina has a pungent odor produces the same reaction from a girl as saying her pussy stinks."
"i don't understand any woman, i just pretend better than most guys."
"i hate when someone tries to downplay your situation by telling you there's always someone who has it worse than you do. by that same logic, wasn't i that someone more worse off another person was referring about when they had been told that? when did i stop being that person?"
"arrogant, brash, cocky: words used to describe me but the truth is i don't think i'm the best; i just don't think there's anybody better than me."
"it's remarkable how afraid i am to be remarkable."
"i have the feeling today is going to be a good d...zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz."
"when life is shitty, flush the toilet."
"i'm a sarcass-hole."
"people always say they want to know what i'm thinking but i spill my guts in everything i write."
"my mother used to tell me that people only used cuss words because they didn't have the vocabulary to express themselves properly. but i've found that sometimes "fuck" is the appropriate word for what i'm trying to communicate."
"descartes said, 'i think; therefore i am'; but i say, 'i write; therefore i'm better.'"
"i'm always saying i'm looking for a woman to collaborate on my writing with; but the truth is i'm really looking for a woman to collaborate on my life with."
"i'm not trying to be accepted for who i am anymore; right now i'm more focused on being understood for what i am."
"i love her because our relationship isn't based on acceptance; it's based on understanding. she hasn't come to accept that i am an asshole as much as she understands why i am an asshole."
"i write as a man that loves women; and every once in a while has one of those women love him back."
"a man finds no embarrassment in telling a beautiful woman her finds her beautiful."
"they say that beauty is only skin-deep and ugly is to the bone; i've found that to be especially true. most of the "unfortunate" people i'm seen are so due to their poor facial bone structure...a lack of high cheekbones, weak jawline, etc."
"they said there's a thin line between genius and insanity but the truth is brilliant people reside in the "green" overlap of "yellow" and "blue" areas that make them up."
"someone asked me why i write poems about love. i told them it's because i haven't found a word that rhymes well with "pussy"."
"i ain't shit...but i'm confident the friends i have now will keep the flies from getting on me when i am the shit."
"being super smart is like being in jail. i haven't found anything to be as isolating as knowing stuff is."
"every man's story revolves around a woman. and because every experience with one, be it tragic or comedic, helps to determine how that story's written; the quality of one's life is truly based on the quality of the women who have roles in it."
"she said i think like a woman does when it comes to the idea of love, but i like to think i merely understand it like a lover does."
"my mom had mentioned something about a girl being on my "team". first, i told her never to use that phrase again. second, i don't have a "team"; i'm perpetually a free agent."
"happy mother's day to all the mothers out there, especially the ones who have to be both mom and dad. parent is a thankless job but i'll say it anyway. thank you!!! and dudes, step up. i can't have any more women hesitant to have my kids because of you."
"am i wrong for looking at osama bin laden's death like i look at a chick on the jerry springer show? i'm gonna need to see the body. i need some proof."
"i'm about to change my name to "iceland" or "greenland" or something; nobody's more of an island than i am, despite what john donne says."
"i write about love and romance, so i write about heartache and headaches."
"if the world's ending at 6 i'll be prepared. i have my gasoline draws on."
"i'm not a genius; i just play one in real life."
"who else wants to marry my words?"
"who wants to change their name for me?"
"i'm just like everyone else...except when i say that i'm being sarcastic."
"my genius...my words...my life..."
"i'm special. you can interpret that any way you want."
“people ask me why i always write about love. i tell them because there isn't anything else i care enough about."
“when i pee i miss the toilet a lot, especially in the morning. when she asked me why, i told her it's the same reason it takes 4 or 5 firemen to keep the hose straight."
"something brilliant...blah blah..."
"i was reading my mother something i'd written and she responded by saying i have an active imagination. translation: use that brain to bring me money."
"50 said, 'when i die they'll read this and say a genius wrote it'. i guess my goal is to have those people saying it while i'm still breathing."
"if you're having sex with a woman she's either having an orgasm or she isn't. but if she's faking it, that doesn't mean you have to fake caring."
"complicated life, complicated relationships, complicated me."
"i ain't saying i'm the best. i got people who say it for me."
"i'm not even the best me i can be yet and i'm still a better me than anyone else will ever be."
"i live my life as if hell is an inevitability for me. so the contrition i feel for the bad that i do is genuine. and the good that i do is due to what i truly am and not rooted in trying to gain favor from god towards the promise of heaven."
"if i were a better person i wouldn't be as good of a writer."
"babies are "cute". puppies are "cute". shouldn't grown people have to evolve past being "cute"; or at least having a grown person call another grown person that? how about a grown-up word like "attractive" or "handsome" or "f**kable"? or "f***worthy"? just a thought..."
"i don't involve myself with women who don't believe in love the way that i do...doesn't the bible say something about being unequally yoked with unbelievers. i'm sure that's what that meant. love is my religion, but i'm not here to convert the masses; i'm only here to seek out a fellow disciple."
"i only want one thing. who wants to give it to me?"
"one person to walk with, that's all."
"i'm using "google" maps right now and this satellite map is kinda freaking me out. i'm looking at the address in real time. if i lived on that street i would feel like my privacy was being invaded, especially if i were the dude masturbating in his front window right now.""
