Quotes...Me...III

"i'm not a genius; i just play one in real life."

"who else wants to marry my words?"

"who wants to change their name for me?"

"i'm just like everyone else...except when i say that i'm being sarcastic."

"my genius...my words...my life..."

"i'm special. you can interpret that any way you want."

“people ask me why i always write about love. i tell them because there isn't anything else i care enough about."

“when i pee i miss the toilet a lot, especially in the morning. and she asked me why i told her it's the same reason it takes 4 or 5 firemen to keep the hose straight."

"something brilliant...blah blah..."

"i was reading my mother something i'd written and she responded by saying i have an active imagination. translation: use that brain to bring me money."

Writes..."Yoked"

"i don't involve myself with women who don't believe in love the way that i do...doesn't the bible say something about being "unequally yoked with unbelievers". i'm sure that's what that meant. love is my religion; but i'm not here to convert the masses, i'm only here to seek out a fellow disciple."

Writes..."S...Mc..."

i've been hesitant to post this for weeks. but 80% of the people who've read it said they cried, so i've deemed it post-worthy.

"she's not mine so i wonder if she's anybody's. see, an "apostrophe"; meaning possessive but not a possession; as if she were something to be acquired and owned. like the addition of another painting or sculpture to one's own personal collection of art, meant only to be gazed upon in awe and reverenced for its beauty. or a tool; a prop used to inspire jealousy in the less fortunate, from people who aren't or never will be. no, she's not mine; but she doesn't have to be for me to be a man who sees her as she is; a woman deserving of being loved fully; a woman deserving of being "somebody else's". so when i write "i wonder if she's anybody's...", it's not a question of whether or not she's somebody's wife or girlfriend or significant other, i'm not talking about that kind of possessive. i mean i wonder if she's anybody else's "heart". you know, that term people use when they're totally enamored with another person; when they feel like despite having professed those kinds of feelings to others before, that now they're with the only one they've ever really loved. it's what people say when it seems as though they're merely an empty vessel, and the thing that they feel they need the most to survive is the thing that they love the most about that person; and the thing that they know they want the most is to be filled and sustained by that thing they've discovered in loving that person. if hamlet had said, "to be or not to be someone's "heart", that is the question"; it really wouldn't have been an inquiry as much as a declaration promoting the achievement of a state of being we should all secretly desire to attain: to have someone want to keep a part of what you are with them forever.

so again i ask: is she somebody's "heart"? is she somebody's "one that got away" or another's "lost love"? is she the one that someone pines over when they're crying and thinking that her not being with them is the biggest mistake they've ever made? honestly i don't know...i have thoughts that she is and i'd probably be right but i don't know her as well as i should; so i won't speculate on such matters. but even in this time of us re-connecting, or at least in this time of us getting to know each other a little better than we did when we were younger, i'd like to think i know her well enough to believe that somebody, somewhere, lies awake at night, unable to sleep for thoughts of what she'd been to them: friend; lover; maybe even their "heart". i'm sure somebody's out there alone in his bed, contemplating past experiences he'd shared with her; or future events that probably won't happen between them; but mostly wondering what he did to end up in his present state: alone in his bed and her not beside him, the way they'd once been. moving his hand over the sheets that she'd once slept under and wondering if he had loved her the way she deserves to be loved when he'd had her as his own. when it had been all she wanted from him, had he given every part of himself to her; and in turn, taken everything she had offered him? if he had realized the gift he'd had when she had decided he was worthy of her love and she had given it to him unconditionally? when he'd had an opportunity, had he seen her for what she is; so much more than a pretty face; so much more than a luminous smile; so much more than what she looks like or the shape of her body. asking himself if he had seen her for being more than what his eyes had shown him? i think he and i would agree: probably not, as evidenced by the tears he's now leaving on his pillow due to his regret of losing her and the fact that there's a cold side of a bed that used to sleep two.

like i said earlier, i'm a man who sees her as she is: beautiful; but just not because of high cheekbones, pouty lips or flawless skin. she's beautiful because she allows herself to love others the way she wants to be loved: truly, madly, deeply. and it's that beauty that convinces me that she occupies a place in somebody's heart; she's too "s...mc..." not to have had a major impact on how or who someone loves. and if i were to speculate, like i said i wouldn't, i'd guess she's probably somebody's "heart" as well; she's too "s...mc..." not to have someone walking around wishing she was his again. "s...mc..." means she loves hard; despite the trials and tribulations that have tried to alter her way of thinking. "s...mc..." means she loves well; despite the obstacles and pitfalls that have tried to deter her from a loving path; she remains steadfast because she still believes that somebody, somewhere, is traveling the same road she is. and she's right, even if she can't see him yet.

so the real question is: if the purpose of this thought was to establish why i think she's someone worthy of "heart" status (and i think i did a good job of that), how does one become her "heart"? i guess i'll have to ask her that.

Writes..."The End"

"there'll come a time when i'll be finished; a time when i'll come to the conclusion that there is nothing else for me to write. then i'll drop the pen from my hand and actually start living."

Writes..."What Dreams May Come"

"i want a woman who doesn't dream about me; she already knows nothing she could possibly imagine while she's sleeping would be better than what we have when she's awake."

Writes..."Nuptials"

“love is a beautiful dream.” - william sharp

"at the front of the church, he stands waiting for her; in a moment so surreal she can hardly believe it's actually happening. she wants to pinch herself; she wants to wake herself from a dream that she's dreamed many times before but she can't. how do you determine reality from fantasy when the only thing you've ever wanted for yourself; that one thing that you felt would make your life complete; is before you? he’s the dream she’s had since she was a little girl; personified. he’s the future she wanted when she couldn’t fall asleep so she turned to staring up at the night sky; tears running down her face, wondering when she wouldn’t feel as alone as she did. or as tired from contemplating why she was. as she stands waiting to proceed down the aisle, she can remember times she would cry out to the heavens because it seemed god had forsaken her; not because it seemed her prayers were going unanswered, because it seemed they weren’t even being heard. she can recall nights where she felt so frustrated and so disheartened that she questioned herself; and she doubted the very person that she was. asking herself: “am i worthy?”; “do i deserve the dream?” she wipes away a tear that begins to fall down her cheek, knowing that those nights are distant memories to her now that the “dream” is waiting for her to stand beside him.

the organist starts playing and the people begin to stand but she remains where she is. she doesn't hear the music. everyone in the church watches her but she doesn't see any of them; she only feels one pair of eyes on her and they belong to the man she's about to promise everything she is and will ever be to. "no", she tells herself; because she knows that that statement isn't entirely accurate. she may be about to promise herself to him in front of all of their friends and family but she knew she had done so in her heart long before this day. she knew the day they met, when he smiled at her and she smiled back, that there was something more meant for them. she knew the first time he took her in his arms, placed her face in his hands and kissed her that they were destined for one another. and the first time he told her he loved her she knew that her heart was no longer her own; that giving it to him would be the greatest gift she would ever offer anyone. william shakespeare said, "who could refrain that had a heart to love and in that heart courage to make love known?" and today, in this moment, she is prepared to be more courageous than she’s ever been in her life. shortly, she will profess that love to the world and she couldn’t be happier about it.

what is love? i could take the biblical route and write that first corinthians 13:4 says "love is patient, love is kind. it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud". or i could use quotes from a couple of greek philosophers like plato or aristotle and say, “love is the joy of the good, the wonder of the wise, the amazement of the gods” or “love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies." perhaps something poetic like saint augustine saying, “love is the beauty of the soul” or john keats with “i could be martyr'd for my religion --- love is my religion --- and i could die for that.”

but i won’t. they're all right; love is all of those things. but most importantly, i think love is knowing. love is knowing that in another person you've found a best friend to confide in, a partner to build a life with, a lover with which to share intimacy and passion. love is knowing that despite any situation that may befall them, any obstacle that may threaten to come between them; everything they encounter from this moment on is neither about him or her individually. that the life they’ll live will be a collective existence; where his weaknesses and strengths will balance out with hers; where his thoughts and feelings seem to be reflected in her and vice versa. on one accord, even when they disagree, because they both know disagreements are only transient; that the foundation their relationship is built on is based on more than the physical and more than the emotional. it’s about knowing that the love they’ve developed for one another is based on a spiritual bond. he doesn’t just love her because she has the most beautiful blue eyes. and she doesn’t just love him because he makes her feel the happiest she’s ever felt in her life. they love each other because some time, at some point, they both realized they were connected to one another; that being apart from each other was like missing the most vital part of themselves; and having experienced what they could be and still not being together was a fate infinitely worse than the lives they were living before they’d met.


love is knowing…love is knowing your heart belongs to another; and you’re both good with that.


as she stands beside him and the minister begins to start, she whispers into his ear, “i love you - those three words have my life in them”; truly blessed that this isn’t a dream she has to wake from.”

Presents...1 Year Of Blogging

"i've done the impossible...1 year of continuous blogging. yay me!!!"

Presents...Sophia Loren

"the reason i wanted to learn italian when i was younger."

Presents...Milestones

"two milestones for my blog...realized i've posted over 250 times and in 6 days my blog will be one year old. yay me!!!

Re-Writes..."The Walk"

"the other day i saw this girl at the mall that made me do a double take. i was in the music store, looking at some cd singles. i wanted a love song i had heard on the radio. the selection wasn't very good but i found what i was looking for. ready to leave, i glanced up and she was right across the rack from me. now i don't use the word "fine" very often, but this girl easily fit the, no, my definition. she was about 5'6" or 5'7", hispanic-looking, long black hair, wearing a tight, clingy summer dress. without even talking to her, 2 of the 5 b's i require of a potential mate were fulfilled. she definitely had a body, but her face was, no exaggeration, perfect. when i think of hispanic beauties like salma hayek, jennifer lopez, and penelope cruz, etc., this girl certainly belongs up there with these women, maybe even the top. she was fine. fine enough to make even the most timid of people, me, want to say something to her, maybe even ask for her phone number. but two big hispanic-looking guys were standing behind her, talking like they were with her, so i tried to sneak glances across the rack while pretending to still be looking for a cd. after a while, i realized the guys weren't going to leave the girl's presence, so i left the music store. i walked around the mall for a time and eventually i found myself walking out of the music store again. i looked up and saw a girl walking away. i recognized her immediately. and those two guys were nowhere to be seen. i was in a state of shock as she continued to walk away. i couldn't stop staring at her. there was something about her walk. it was perfect, 110% feminine. she had the perfect stride and armswing. the way her butt switched from side to side mesmerized me. like i said before, her dress was tight. the whole sight of her made me do something i've never done before. i began to follow her, soaking in her essence. it was nirvana, ultimate euphoria. i was almost completely zoned in to her, i almost couldn't see anyone else in the mall. then i heard my name. my mom was standing in front of me and the girl disappeared into a crowd. paradise lost in an instant. i still see the image of that girl walking in front of me. like i said before, perfect."



9-5-99