Quotes...Me...IV

"i ain't shit...but i'm confident the friends i have now will keep the flies from getting on me when i am the shit."

"being super smart is like being in jail. i haven't found anything to be as isolating as knowing stuff is."

"every man's story revolves around a woman. and because every experience with one, be it tragic or comedic, helps to determine how that story's written; the quality of one's life is truly based on the quality of the women who have roles in it."

"she said i think like a woman does when it comes to the idea of love, but i like to think i merely understand it like a lover does."

"my mom had mentioned something about a girl being on my "team". first, i told her never to use that phrase again. second, i don't have a "team"; i'm perpetually a free agent."

"happy mother's day to all the mothers out there, especially the ones who have to be both mom and dad. parent is a thankless job but i'll say it anyway. thank you!!! and dudes, step up. i can't have any more women hesitant to have my kids because of you."

"am i wrong for looking at osama bin laden's death like i look at a chick on the jerry springer show? i'm gonna need to see the body. i need some proof."

"i'm about to change my name to "iceland" or "greenland" or something; nobody's more of an island than i am, despite what john donne says."

"i write about love and romance, so i write about heartache and headaches."

"if the world's ending at 6 i'll be prepared. i have my gasoline draws on."