Writes..."Bye Bye Love"

"on november 27, 2011, at 11:47 pm, i was alone...laying down thinking because i couldn't sleep, when i had an epiphany: the sad realization that i am destined to continue spending my life by myself. at first i found this acknowledgment of self-awareness to be difficult to accept, but the truth is, when i'm being completely honest with myself, there's a reality i can't deny: if loving someone means giving all of yourself to them, then i don't think i'll ever love anyone. i mean, i know i never have; and i don't really see that changing anytime soon. i'm scared...too scared to give 100 percent of myself to anyone. too afraid to trust; to be vulnerable; to even be loved. and how can a person truly accept another's heart when they won't let go of their own? i don't know..."

Presents..."A Tribute To Cole"

"posting some of my girl nicole chavers's thoughts...i know, it's about time right? i read her stuff and i feel compelled to write. and being a writer, i think that's the greatest compliment i've ever offered anyone.

a few of her words..."

"when u experience that and the warmth, security and sheer peace that comes from that - when its gone, you notice u can never recapture it...just gotta paint another version. love is couture:) one of a kind"

"i'm awake. i realize, i needed to dream another dream if i was to be happy."

"here's what I know: those we love but don't love us back the way we expect or "need" them to- its the universes way of preparing us for something better, so that when we have it, it'll be even sweeter...."

"just be open to love."

"i remember waking up on my 30th bday in a reflective and anticipatory mind set. i realized, i was in a constant state of anxiety over possible and post change that was inevitable-particularly the last 10 yrs. i had to reflect back because i wasn't able to actually be present in those moments. life isn't perfect. i reckon not many people feel like they have achieved all their goals or gotten to where they need to be. there is however a point in which one should or can become content w life. i once had very specific dreams of what family, success, and love should look like. i think i forgot to anticipate the finer details and detours. because my reality is much different, i feel...unfulfilled and ungrateful. the reality is, i did have all the things i dreamed of, they just did not happen at the time i wanted them to happen. family changes. family separates. ideals of success changes. ideals die. parents change. parents die. love changes. but love, i still don't think love dies."

Writes..."A Love Song"

"years ago i used to dream of finding love...
and i used to dream of being loved...
of knowing how it felt...
and years ago, i used to pray for someone new...
but at that time i never knew...
that it was you as i knelt..."

My Favorite Quotes...V

"made somethin' outta nothin'
well i'm frontin', i was never nothin'
older ladies used to tell my mother ain't he somethin'" - joell ortiz

“we are all a little weird and
life’s a little weird,
and when we find someone whose
weirdness is compatible to ours
we join up with them and fall in
mutual weirdness and call it love.” - dr. seuss

Writes..."Passion"

"this feeling i have for you consumes me...
with a fire i've never felt before...
you're a passion that keeps my heart burning...
i'm a woman you leave yearning for more..."

Writes..."Conversations"

she: "tell me you think i'm beautiful.
me: "you're beautiful...on the inside."
she: "you fucking asshole!!!"
me: "that an invitation?"

her: "you're conceited brian."
me: "fuck you. i got a potty mouth too."

she: "you're conceited brian; arrogant, brash; i want you as much as i want butt rash; as much as i want a head-on car crash; your tude's garbage and i don't fuck with trash."
me: "fuck you too bitch, i can hate without rhyming."

her: "you're conceited brian. you need to be more humble."
me: "why? jesus used "i" a lot too."

Writes..."A Phone Call"

“every day i wake up to the same thing…
the familiar sound of the telephone ring…
the familiar voice of the woman i love…
born with celestial wings, sent from above…
‘cause that’s what angels do, they say pretty things…
with sentiment that people only dream of…
feeling or knowing having experienced…
a happiness that comes from being loved…
and with the day commenced, her love’s dispensed…
to me through “good mornings”; in present tense…
sunshine to my life; bright, shining beams of…
light from words that can only be deemed love…

every day i wake to myself admitting...
to return that love in speech most fitting...
they're tribute; meaning they're purpose serving...
it's praise befitting of a goddess deserving...
giving all of myself and in exchange getting...
every part of her; freely, without conserving…
“i love you’s” that embed themselves in my heart…
she loves me despite my being undeserving…
her words: spoken art; they continue to impart…
a joy to hold on to long after we part…
our reality is finding myself observing…
that loving her is passion worth preserving…

and when the day is done, and i’m all alone…
again the familiar ring of the telephone…
calling merely to say her thoughts are of me…
in a harmonious tone; a sweet melody…
when i can’t see her, i see her love still shown…
when i can’t touch her, it touches the heart of me…
despite the times separation pains us...
when it feels she and i aren’t the “we” we should be...
but letting distance change us, would be dangerous...
understanding it’s our love that sustains us...
we flourish believing one day we’ll be...
an lasting image of intimacy...

and when the day is done, she’s at the other end...
of the line; a connection that truly transcends...
we claim a bond deeper than the ones of our peers...
or the ones of our friends; one that is revered...
where she speaks to me as a man she can depend...
and she speaks to me as a man she’s found sincere...
alternating between talking and crying…
choked up, she continues while fighting back tears…
and i’d be lying, if i weren’t trying…
to hear her words yet keep my eyes from perspiring…
i’m failing; though without her i’ve failed for years…
having missed love spread from her lips to my ears…”