sonnet 91
"this secret between us goes unspoken...
it's far beyond any word we might say...
yet things unsaid have left me heartbroken...
things unsaid allowed her to get away...
a hundred times i've told her "i love you",
perhaps a thousand times in my own head...
i never mouthed it when i needed to;
kept my love for her to myself instead...
but maybe she knows, and still had to go...
to thwart her heart from any exposure...
loving me back, just unable to show...
that for us there will never be closure...
this secret between us is a thought shared...
because our true feelings cannot be bared..."
sonnet 92
"i do what i say, i say what i mean;
because of those things i don't talk a lot...
truth's black or white; there's ain't no in-between...
you lie or you don't; i really do not...
'cept when i said i never think of her,
and i'd forgotten the times that we'd shared;
the feelings i felt when we're together...
when she and i had been perfectly paired...
she asked and i lied; to protect my heart,
even though i should've told her the truth...
i've thought about her since our paths did part...
with the writing of words serving as proof...
i pen no lies, though my mouth did deceive;
once down on paper, i'm one to believe..."
sonnet 93
"i cried when she said she didn't have long;
that her life would end sooner than it should...
but when she told me i'd have to stay strong,
i knew all my tears were misunderstood...
people are born, they live, and then they die;
a concept i certainly comprehend...
her death isn't the reason that i cry;
it's her death meaning the loss of a friend...
i shed tears 'cause she's my sole connection,
to anyone or anything in life...
i've seen but one truth found in reflection,
and that reflection's shown me with a knife...
the truth is that all emotional ties,
will be severed at the moment she dies..."
sonnet 94
"i hate the pittsburgh steelers but she don't...
she loves their colors; the black and the gold...
ask her to switch football teams and she won't;
been her squad since she was twenty years old...
but to me, she's more akin to green bay...
because they wear shades of yellow and green...
if i told her i wonder what she'd say;
if she'd understand what those two hues mean...
don't know; maybe that's a thought too obscure,
too much of a stretch to make any sense...
a "yellow and green" reference i'm sure,
would still baffle most not considered dense...
so i will say that they're what would comprise;
a jar of mustard with a pair of eyes..."
sonnet 95
at ten p.m. i lie awake in bed,
nothing to do but stare at the ceiling...
ain't no deep thoughts floating 'round in my head,
nor shallow, to describe what i'm feeling...
and i'm feeling i want to be inside,
a woman who wants me inside of her...
she'll take her fingers to spread herself wide,
then look lovingly, as if to offer,
her body to one who'll appreciate...
paradise lost is found between her thighs...
an erotic gesture does clearly state,
that she believes me worthy of the prize...
i'll enter her; she'll take me in deeper...
at heaven's gate, i am the gatekeeper..."
sonnet 96
"warned myself 'bout continuing to err,
thinking this situation's transient...
nothing would change, even if i were there,
things are, will be, whatever my intent...
i'd find anything i'd say not mean much;
not nothing, just not as much as it should...
words from me'd still have the power to touch,
but using them wouldn't do any good...
she had spoken lasting words in a vow,
at a time when her feelings mirrored his...
not a thing i can do about it now;
'bout what i want; but life is what it is...
or so i've heard; a phrase i'd never write;
already penned fruitless lines on my plight..."
sonnet 97
"funny, i laugh 'cause i figured out what,
it means saying life in one's mind confines...
true, my brain gives me the words to use but,
i've reduced my verve to ten syllables lines...
fourteen at a time, in poetic form...
alternating a's through f's; but not g's...
writing on every calm, every storm,
i have in life; every pen stroke's a breeze...
easy to pen, but hard to understand,
how all that i am has come down to rhymes...
that my being's defined through my left hand,
must mean i lack definition at times...
i'm not sure if i can live in real life,
i already exist where thoughts run rife..."
sonnet 98
"i've found that in my world heaven forbids;
so i don't sit 'round wishin' and hopin'
and when people ask why i don't have kids,
it's "'cause i don't trust no bitch, legs open"...
i say "bitch" and a bitch gets offended...
real women know i'm talking 'bout those which,
bitch, but i'll apologize, knees bended...
bitch, i'm so very sorry you're a bitch...
which was serious about playing games...
so don't say that you weren't because you were...
you're exposed, but i won't name any names;
i speak of no one in particular...
trust is needed in becoming a dad...
guess that explains the kids i never had..."
sonnet 99
"a friend of mine expressed concern for me;
good will due to the impression given...
simply "you alive?" was her inquiry...
yeah i am alive, but i'm not livin'...
you see, i've found that i merely exist...
stationary; as the world keeps moving...
the only reason i've not slit a wrist:
my death's something of which i'm disapproving...
but sometimes i wonder if i weren't here,
would my absence alter anyone's life?
to leave no influence is my worst fear;
greater than bleeding myself with a knife...
if when i'm gone, they recall who i was,
as someone they'll hold on to just because..."
sonnet 100
"tired of thinking i'm better than you,
since both of us realize that you ain't shit...
i'm ain't shit either, i already knew,
though sometimes pen in hand makes me forget...
i write down these words just because i can,
with an arrogance, i do clearly state...
why find contentment in besting a man,
no one regards even remotely great?
who can't understand a superior mind,
and then use that to claim me an asshole?
"155"; thoughts of you left behind;
meaning my i.q. now equals my goal...
i chasing down greatness, to better be,
recognized then for the greatness in me.."
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