"...life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness..." - thomas jefferson
"those are our unalienable rights, right?
so my most recent ex texts me asking if i'm happier now that we're no longer together. i guess that's a fair question; i mean it's definitely one i can easily answer. "no, not really", i tell her; responding as fast as it takes me to type out the words. but then my text goes unanswered. i don't know what she was expecting me to say; perhaps that i found our breakup to be a cause of great celebration for me or that i derived some sort of pleasure in ending our relationship. it wasn't…and i didn't…but my feelings on there no longer being an "us" don't matter because the truth is neither sentiment is particularly relevant towards my response. she asked if i am happier now and i answered honestly: i'm not happy at all, haven't been in a long time and while we were together she hadn't changed that…but i hadn't really expected her to.
not that any of that was her fault; my point is i used to believe differently: that i would meet a woman who would change my outlook on life or at least make me want to fake it better. and maybe, just maybe, i don't know, turn my perpetual frown upside down. but i've learned through living that one's happiness comes from within. so whether or not i end up happy will be due to my own actions. i guess what i'm saying is the determination of my "happiness" will come from me and not from other people.
my "unhappiness", however, remains a different story."
See this is why I call you "Poe" you sound more and more like him everyday thru your writing. But B, you have got to come out of this darkness at some point and let the sunshine in.... please.... it's okay. And because I say so, you should do it!
ReplyDeletesorry nattie, but this may be even beyond your powers of persuasion.
ReplyDeleteBut I really hate when people say things like that. Nobody wants anyone to leave their life and verbally saying that you are happy or not doesn't make the feeling any better or worse for EACH PARTY! But we are such a blunt force that there is no flowering up the answers and no easy let go. It is what it is and like you said only YOU can change it.
Deleteit is what it is indeed. it's funny how one can find "inspiration" (i guess) in the strongest places. i made the correlation between stocking milk and women. at a store you put the milk on the shelves and even before you can go to the next shelf people are taking the milk you just stocked away, leaving it looking like you haven't done anything. and i would get kinda mad, like "could y'all just let it be for a minute?" but i had an epiphany: the truth is i need to treat that milk and women the same way. if or when it disappeared, there is no dwelling on it; you can only move on to the next one. idk, maybe that's a tad cynical but i've stocked a lot of milk lately.
ReplyDeleteerr, strangest places. lol!
ReplyDeletehahahah.... I literally just lol'd!!! a mess
ReplyDeletewhat? i'm dead serious.
ReplyDeletedon't cry over spoiled (unstocked) milk! hahaha .... sorry.... I'm okay lol
ReplyDeletelol! gonna use a sports, but primarily football, term: next man up. when one milk goes down, just put another one there to take its place. milk, woman, po-tat-o, po-tot-o.
ReplyDeletehahahah.... I got tears in my eyes from laughing!
Delete:)
ReplyDelete