Quotes...Al Swearengen

"pain or damage don’t end the world, or despair or fucking beatings. the world ends when you’re dead. until then, you got more punishment in store. stand it like a man — and give some back."

still my favorite quote ever...

Writes..."Walking Hand In Hand"

"all i say is that i want a woman to walk hand in hand with. that's all i say when people ask me what i want for myself in this life. to not walk alone. to not feel alone. i stand at the edge of nothingness and find myself staring back at myself, a reflection created by my own tears. promises unkept echo in the darkness around me. "you won't be alone", yet i spend my days talking to myself. "i'll always be here", yet i awaken to find no one in my bed. all i have are my memories of what we were. a time when we stood in front of each other, exposed and vulnerable. a single tear ran down her cheek, not from sadness or pain, but from the realization that in that moment we were offering everything we were to one another. when edgar allan poe wrote, "we loved with a love that was more that love", he was talking about me and her. a love more than love. that's the only way to describe it when the words "i love you" seem inadequate. i'd tell her i loved her and she'd said she knew. not because i told her, because she knew. what we shared was more than love. it was love squared or love to the power of..., i don't know, it was just more. it wasn't about words. it wasn't about feelings. it was about knowing. us knowing that what was in each other's hearts. us seeing love in one another's eyes. us experiencing love in one another's touch. every time i placed her hand in my own, every time our lips met, we knew. so i cling to the memories of what we were, crying, though the shadows offer me no comfort. because i still know. i know you never lose what we had once you've had it. neither time or space, them or the next, nothing, allows you to forget, to let go. the cold, untouched sheets masking the spot she used to sleep won't let me let go. my one-sided debate on something i know she'd want to argue about won't let me let go. me writing this right now won't let me let go. and because i'm not letting go i gotta believe that this time and space is only transient. "and in the end when it's all said and done...", we won't be alone cause she'll be walking hand in hand with me."

Writes..."Oleander...Why I'm Here"

"i'm sitting here contemplating life cause i'm a cliché, trying to figure out what the fuck i'm doing here. not here in this city, but here on this earth? i'm rodin's "the thinker", only in a bald black guy not looking like he's taking a number two form. why am i still alive when so many of my contemporaries, so many of my friends have passed on? i don't know. maybe i die in a horrific skydiving accident i'm never gonna attempt. or drown tragically swimming in an ocean i'm never getting in. people tend to say that they have eluded death because god has a plan for them, some thing they're fated for before they die. what if it's not fated for but fated to? fate... destiny... i'm still here because i'm destined for someone that i'm not with and i've been afforded another opportunity to fix that. funny how i just "quantum leaped" into my own life. boy meets girl. boy loves girl. boy loses girl. boy still loves girl. girl finds boy. boy still loves girl. boy... girl... me... her... i'm here to atone for past transgressions and make us good again. maybe even better than before. if god's plan is for me to still be here, that's how i'll spend my time."

Presents..."Everything In Its Right Place" by Radiohead

"everything, everything, everything, everything...
in its right place
in its right place
in its right place
in its right place

yesterday i woke up sucking a lemon
yesterday i woke up sucking a lemon
yesterday i woke up sucking a lemon
yesterday i woke up sucking a lemon

everything, everything, everything...
in its right place
in its right place
in its right place
right place

there are two colours in my head
there are two colours in my head
what, what is that you try to say?
what, what was that you tried to say?
tried to say... tried to say...
tried to say... tried to say... tried to say...

everything, everything, everything...
everything in its right place"

one day...that's the goal.

Writes..."Crying Words Onto Paper"

"i can't even write right now, my tears blur my vision so badly that the sheet of paper in front of me is a blue and white abstract worthy of the louvre. the paper's flooding, i risk drowning every time i attempt to balance wiping my eyes and penning words to it. if only they'd let me, i'd write that i feel feelings and that she feels feelings, we just feel them in our own worlds. so i guess i cry because i can't figure out how to make our worlds, our world."

Presents..."Writers Love" by Nicole Chavers

"i sleep with you right beside me, cause i never know when the write time will come."

Writes..."Epiphany"

"i just had a thought and i'm not gonna turn this into a huge thoreau-like essay. just turning an epiphany into words. the people that i love and hold closest to my heart are the people that believe in love as much and as hard as i do."

Writes..."Nicole Simpson Can't Rap...And Neither Can I...III"

"this pen can only be replaced with a straitjacket
cause if i weren't writing i'd be crazier then the craziest
dude who can't distinguish coke from sugar packets
who can't lift the fog in his mind at its haziest

or the guy tripping on delusions who thought he could fly
like superman as he jumped off the tallest building he found
my words, the bloody conclusion to a lifetime of a guise
what i write hits like the impact of that dude meeting the ground

i have a padded room interior behind an unaffected face
so i write a lot cause insanity is my sanity's wage
'i hate periods and rarely use them, but in this case
it’s the only way to stop myself from bleeding on to the page'"

again, all apologies to "real" rappers, i'm still just fucking around.

thanks to ska for the last two lines. i told y'all she's got skills with a pen. check out her work at http://www/whateveritisletitbe.blogspot.com.

Writes..."Our Anniversary"

"i've always been a sentimental guy. blame my mother for raising me as a hopeless romantic. christianity, judaism, islam, romance, all religions. cause they're all just ideas if they're not what you believe in and what you practice. and i'm a keeper of the faith. so i won't apologize for writing this. i loved a woman once. and she loved me. today is the anniversary of the day we started dating. it's the anniversary of the day i told her i loved her for the first time. it's the anniversary of the day i thought she'd be mine forever. i write this today because i can't forget, because i don't want to forget, that being with her was my heaven and not, my hell. i won't ever forget that."

Presents...Olivia De Berardinis

"today i was looking at my public myspace page and i felt i needed to one of my friends some love here on my blog. i'm not really one for getting starstruck but when she responded to a message i sent her i was geeked. so here's to one of my favorite artists...olivia de berardinis."