Writes..."Alex...Who Is The Greatest Quote Machine Ever?"

"i thought i'd write this because it's a departure from the type of thing i usually pen. it's not about romance; or relationships; or love. i'm writing this because i found it ridiculously funny and i needed to share the story...for some reason. i guess it's because...

"i put all my genius into my life; i put only my talent into my works."

and i concur...and if you don't like this then i quote...

"ridicule is the tribute paid to the genius by the mediocrities."

i was watching "jeopardy" the other day and they had a category that was something like "literary e-mail addresses"; where the answer would be something like www.(a couple clues about the identity of a character in literature).com and i felt good about my chances of doing well with it. i didn't know the answer to the first one but i recognized something in the answer, i think it was "hogwarts"and i could tell it was about "harry potter". but i've never read any of the "harry potter" books or seen any of the movies; in fact i'm pretty sure i only recognized "hogwarts" through some sort of media osmosis. but the second answer was something about "smeagol" and "the precious" and they wanted his other name in the response. unfortunately i totally brain farted on that one. i mean i knew it was from j.r.r. tolkien's "the lord of the rings"; i've seen the movies and i could even see the character in my head but i could not think of his other name. i knew it, but right then it was filed away in a folder in my brain gathering dust, and it didn't come to me before a contestant on the show answered it; turned out it was "gollum". i remember thinking, "oh well, maybe i'll have better luck with the $600 clue." now, knowing me and how i play "jeopardy", there isn't a more subdued person than me when it comes to answering correctly. i never raise my voice above whisper tone and nobody's as nonchalant when they're right. my reaction is always like, "of course i'm right, whatever...next?" i think if i was ever on the show alex trebek would probably ask me to do two things while we were taping my episode. first, he would want me to talk into the microphone so the judges could make out what i was saying and second, he would want me to show a little emotion for a correct answer; suggesting a "tiger woods" fist pump perhaps? but i digress; the next answer changed all that. keep in mind this isn't verbatim. i think the words they used were "painting" and "oscar wilde" and as if it were instinctual to do so, i practically jumped off the couch yelling "dorian gray". man, i was so loud i startled myself with my outburst.

it really surprised me because like i said before i'm always so laid-back with my answers. bewildered really; not just because i responded so forcefully but also because the words "dorian gray" seems to come out like a reflex. like that's i know ocsar wilde for; and it's really not. i've never even read "the picture of dorian gray" (printed in 1890, amended and published in 1891). i know what the story's about but honestly i don't even know how; other than he was a character in the movie "the league of extraordinary gentlemen" and they used elements from the story there. oscar wilde was a great writer and playwright but i didn't even find out that he had written "an ideal husband" (first performed in 1895, published as a play in 1898) or "the importance of being earnest" (first performed in 1895, published as a play in 1898) until long after i had seen both of the movies. and while i can say i love his work, i hold him in high esteem mostly because he was a great quote. if he lived today in a world that's so much more media heavy than his was: due to the introduction of television and the internet, to go along with print; with worldwide social networking and the access of news instantly available and updated 24 hours a day; oscar wilde would be the greatest soundbite on the planet. it would be like, "hold on, they're talking about oscar wilde on "tmz" or "did you hear what oscar wilde said on "entertainment tonight"?" i know he said, "there is only one thing in life worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about" and that was before those things even existed. and "twitter"? forget about it. i can only imagine the kind of stuff he wold "tweet". i don't even use my "twitter" account but believe me, i'd be the first person trying to become a follower of oscar wilde.

"i am the only person in the world i should like to know thoroughly."

so this is the equivalent of me writing on the wall of a "facebook" friend or leaving a comment on a "myspace" pal's page...

one last thing...purely coincidental i'm sure. i woke up this morning to a movie playing, where one character was talking to another character and he referred to him as "oscar". then "oscar" responded by saying something like "he could live a healthier life if not for two things: he wasn't going to get up early and he wasn't going to stop drinking". again, not verbatim but i could tell from what he said and the way he said it, it was definitely somebody portraying oscar wilde. i gotta find out what that movie was.

alex trebek: "and the clue for $400...born in ireland in 1854, he is still regarded as "the man" for great quotes."
me: (ringing my buzzer) "alex, who is oscar wilde?"
alex trebek: "brian, you are correct."
me: "of course i'm right...whatever. next?"

all quotes by oscar wilde (1854-1900)"