Writes..."Who Am I?"

"how to start...ummm...

"it would be unfair to expect other people to be as remarkable as oneself." - oscar wilde

or...

"the only thing that sustains one through life is the consciousness of the immense inferiority of everyone else." - oscar wilde

so who am i; that i've deemed these two quotes fitting for a piece about my character? who am i; that i've taken the most overt examples i could find of insolence for my own profile? who am i? i think that's an excellent question; definitely one worthy of blogging about. so here it is...who i am. but first in trying to determine the right words for myself, i've decided to post a few words about myself from other people. maybe i'll draw some inspiration from them...

"handsome..."

"very handsom..."

"very handsome!" (is anyone else seeing a theme here? i'm just saying...)

"u r a sweet person..." (i really am...)

"your the best..."

"your a really great person...your a great friend." (aww...)

"your too cool for words...your the best bud a gurl can have..."

"one of the best friends a person could have!!!!" (i'm tearing up...)

"you are amazing..."

"you are sexy on so many levels!!" (so many levels...go on...)

"if only more men thought like you and treated women like you, this world would be a better place!" (i agree...)

"i think you'll make some lucky lady very happy one day."

"the girl who gets you will truly be a lucky person!"

alright, that's good. enough about me...

oscar wilde said, "conceit is one of the greatest of the virtues, yet how few people recognize it as a thing to aim at and to strive after. in conceit many a man and woman has found salvation, yet the average person goes on all fours groveling after modesty." i like that quote but i must say that i'm really not as conceited as i'm making myself look in this post. not as conceited?! that's funny! i'm really not though. i didn't comment after every compliment did i? hahaha!!! am i brash? maybe. arrogant? a little. confident? yeah, that's probably the word i would go with. not conceited though; i just like using oscar wilde quotes that i can make fit whatever it is i'm writing about, even if it does take a bit of a stretch to do so. anyway, back to the point of this. while i feel fortunate to have as many people think of me in such a high regard, the only reason i'm writing this is to illustrate a point. the truth of the matter is that though i've appreciated every kind word anyone has ever said about me, i've felt that when a friend of mine told me that she thought i would make a great husband one day; that that had been the greatest compliment i'd ever received from another person. and it had been until the day another friend told me that she thought i would be a great dad to any kids i would have eventually. in knowing me, you should know that family is everything to me; so i tend to place more value on positive opinions of my worth as a man in those aspects than any other thing anyone could appreciate about me.

but a couple of weeks ago the "wife" said something to me that i haven't been able to stop thinking about; something that i think has eclipsed both of the previous bests; you know, in the annuls of superlatives about me. she said, "you're the only person that's understood me completely". and i was stunned; i'd be lying if i said i wasn't because i was. i know that her words shouldn't have come as a surprise to me; considering what we mean to one another, but they did. it's funny, i don't think she's ever surprised by anything i write about her; like the other day i wrote "that if i never wrote another word she would still know how i feel about her"; she agreed and probably wasn't all that shocked that i wrote and posted my words on facebook. it's who i am. but i don't expect her to say anything like that to me. so to "understand her completely" becomes an indictment of a feeling she's been holding on to; at least it is to me, being of the opinion that that's not something you say to just anybody. telling somebody they're handsome and telling somebody that they "get" you in a way nobody else ever has are both complimentary; true, but let's not pretend that they're in any way the same thing because they aren't even remotely similar. to me, the latter conveys a connection forged on more than history or experience; it has to, because knowing somebody a long time doesn't guarantee you'll understand how they think or why they do what they do then any more than you did when you first met them. to fully understand somebody has to be based on more than the amount of time you spend or have spent with them; or the experiences you've had together.

but i think i'm looking at this from the wrong angle or at least missing the point of it. when i said, "to fully understand..." i realize i'm writing this from my own perspective and my thoughts have lead me to believe that to do so would be to diminish the power of her words. because i could say i understand somebody completely and they could gush about what that would mean to them as well but my point isn't about how i feel about her words as much as it's about what went into the reasoning behind her saying them to me; what led her to the conclusion that i, and no one before me, am as in tune with her person as i have become. because to understand the thought going into the words is to understand that that thinking proves just as meaningful as the actual words themselves.

so yeah, i think she's given me the greatest compliment i've ever received; for at least two reasons i can think of right away. first, the previous greats were based on potential events; so essentially they were both only hypothetically true. i mean, by definition you can't really be a good husband if you never get married; or a good father if you're never around any kids, them being yours or not. so what my first friend was saying was: "brian, if you get married, then you're going to be a great husband to someone" and what the other was saying was: "brian, if you're ever in the position to have any kids, then you're going to be a great father to them". and if...then...is the definition of a hypothesis...science 101. but her telling me i understand her isn't hypothetical. it isn't something that could occur some time in the future. it's already happened. once upon a time when we were talking or she was thinking; maybe because i had written or done something, i don't know, but something happened between us that made her feel feelings for me that she'd never felt for anyone else before. so her words mean more because they're tangible; i've lived what they meant and what they entailed. i mean i live what they mean and what they entail. and second, though i said her words convey a connection forged on more than history and experience, i can't discount the fact that we do have history; a history that continues to be written every day. in fact, it's that history and those experiences we've had that make what she said more than a compliment. it's a commentary on the realization that despite this not being decades in the making; and us "taking the road less traveled by" to get where we are today; forces bigger than ourselves conspired to bring us together; and have allowed us to be what we are: if she's a woman who is what she is; then a man who "gets" her must be who i am.

oscar wilde said, "women are made to be loved, not understood"; and yeah, i'm proud i'm fortunate enough to be able to say i do both. well, at least one woman."