"in taking some advice on my situation, i decided to be totally honest with myself about how i feel about her. totally honest. the advice was, "ask yourself why you like this person. it shouldn't be 'just because'." meaning i should have some substance to the feelings i have for her. not just that i like the way she looks or how she smells. that my desire isn't based on something i can't explain; some inexplicable phenomenon has captured my heart, leaving me unable to put how i feel into words. or even know why i feel this way. it's weird when you feel a certain way or you've taken a specific position on something but never realized why you've chosen to do so. to be unaware of why you've formed a personal opinion that affects your life, that you live by. that is weird. i like her. i've liked her for a long time now. but i don't remember ever thinking about why i like her, or at least, acknowledging the reasons to myself. and in not doing so, the reasons i like her have taken on the feel of a "just because" and that's not good enough. i like her just because...isn't acceptable. "just because" is a slap in the face to my feelings and to my desire for her. they both deserve more credence than that. i don't just feel something for her. i know why i like her. and i know what i like about her."
sometime in '00 or '01, was writing on loose sheets of paper and wasn't dating them. just finished today.
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