Writes..."V Is For Vivaldi" (The "The 'B5'" Re-Write)

“most people are other people. their thoughts are someone else’s opinions, their lives a mimicry. their passions a quotation.” – oscar wilde

"we all think we’re individuals, with our own individual thoughts and ways but we’re not. and while everyone says they desire snowflake originality, the truth is most people are merely photocopies of another snowflake they think they really want to be. they’re afraid to have their own design; afraid to be unique. they'd rather be one of the crowd. conform to what everyone else is doing. be like everyone else because different is bad. different is bad. bad...

“y are people so scared to be different? i havent been to alot of different places but ive never been scared to be me or to be different.” - myūzu

me either. i'm different; known that as long as i’ve known anything. i've sat here at the “mansion” and come to accept the fact that my mutant power isn’t invisibility or superhuman strength. i can’t move things with my mind or read people’s thoughts. yet i call myself an “x-man”; though it’s only because i’m e"x"ceptional at being me. and "me" isn't like anyone else. i'm not normal, no, i'm not the norm. i'm not a stereotype. i'm not what you would expect. i love vivaldi; have since i heard “the four seasons” for the first time; well, i think it was actually the 3rd “summer” movement that got me hooked on his work. and people knock me for it but it’s who i am and i don’t apologize for it…

“antonio lucio vivaldi (march 4, 1678 – july 28, 1741), was an italian baroque composer, priest, and virtuoso violinist.”

the first movement of “la primavera - concerto no. 1 in e major, op. 8, rv 269” is playing in the background as i snap the clasp of my silver “kenneth cole” watch; i’ve been preparing for this evening, both in my appearance and my mindset. i walk over to the mirror and give myself a thorough once-over; navy, silver pinstriped three piece suit, white shirt, solid silver tie. i’m smart and i don’t mean when it comes to books; i'm clean; about as clean as i can get and i am ready to go. it’s 7 o’clock and we need to be on our way. tonight, we're going to a vivaldi tribute; and as blessed as i feel to be able to afford the luxury of going to this concert, i’m equally as blessed that isn’t something i had to beg my girl to accompany me to. when i told her i was getting the tickets, her only response was when is it and what do i have in my closet to wear to it. she was genuinely excited for it and i was pleased that she was. i’ve always considered myself extremely fortunate that we share an affinity for the arts and that affinity is one of the things that made me fall for her.

tonight is special though because it is vivaldi. i remember when we first starting really getting to know one another; she'd asked me to tell her about myself and i’d mentioned that i wasn’t like anyone she’d ever met before: that i liked listening to vivaldi, reading voltaire and paintings by van gogh. and she responded by saying that i was going to make her have to look up vivaldi. it’s crazy, i can’t really put into words just how much i appreciated her saying that. the thought of her being interested in something that i think sets me apart from everyone else i know, and probably everyone she knows, means more to me than she could ever imagine. and i like the fact that she now knows about vivaldi because i introduced him to her; but i love that her wanting to know about vivaldi didn't have anything to do with me. the desire to increase her exposure to things of culture was already in her, like it's already in me, and that aspect of ourselves drew us together.

i'm still in front of the mirror when i notice her standing behind me in its reflection. she’s stunning in a strapless navy “badgley mischka” dress that hugs every contour of her body; a goddess in satin, sequins and lace. and i ask myself what i, a mere mortal, have done to deserve to have such divinity in my life. when i were younger, and had determined what i wanted to find in a woman as a potential wife or girlfriend or whatever, i came up with the term "the ‘b5’". 5 words that started with the letter "b" that i felt were the perfect criteria for an ideal partner; 5 equal parts that made up the person i felt i could spend the rest of my life with. i used to joke that if a woman had the “b5” (brains, beauty, body, bible and beethoven), she would get a sixth “b”: brian (that’s me). and she did; despite our own skepticism in the beginning…

her: “and u know that the cocky side of (her name)...thinks that she has the 5 b's....cmon now lol…now the 6th one?? she may never get becuz he's such a sceptic....but so is she so it works out fine lol”

me: “why do you think i'm a skeptic?“

her: “i think ur a skeptic becuz u think more than u live and im guilty of the same thing. you'll think yourself out of happiness or anything new or exciting in your life (things that u deserve) becuz u play the whole thing out in your head but u dont take the chance of just playing it out in real life…for better or for worse it makes us both.....(chicken)”

me: “i want to be a smartass and say something sarcastic but the truth is everything you just said is spot on. that's what i do and i'm a (chicken) for it. (crying face)”

her: "lmao!!! awww don’t (crying face).......i know it becuz i am it.”

but eventually we both came to realize that as we’d never be what we could be if we didn’t take a chance on “us”…

her: “u dont think that wud mess up the nice lil friendship that we hav goin on??“

me: “i'd like to think that what we have would enhance anything more between us.“

her: “i guess u cud be rite..... but its safe here.....no heartache no pain”

me: “no being as happy as you can be.”

her: “.....wow .....yeah ur rite abt that”

yeah, i was right about that. right that she would never know a greater happiness than she would by being with me. right when i told i’d love her with a passion that even she never imagined experiencing for herself. but mostly, i was right about “us”; that the day i decided i wanted her to be mine, i knew i wanted her to be mine forever and that I knew this thing between would last as long.

the “b5”; brains, beauty, body, bible and beethoven; the things i’m looking for in another. and while i could elaborate and go into more detail on each one; i could say, "sure, she's a beautiful woman"; or "she does has a ridiculous body"; and i don't mean for either of those comments to sound dismissive, like my attraction to her didn't have anything to do with what she looks like because her appearance did play some part in me wanting to be with her. but the truth is, she's so much more than that. or i could write “bible means she has to believe in god…something something; or beethoven means she has to have a love for of the arts…something something”. but the truth is, i’ve come to realize that the “b5” are as much about me and what i am as they are about what i’ve been looking for in a woman. i’m smart (kinda; iq’s 155), handsome (i’ve been told that a couple times), and fit (maybe; no smartass comment here except i did get a little out of breath writing that). i believe in spirituality, opera, theatre and museums. it appears to me that the purpose of the “b5” was merely to serve as a list of characteristics discovered in myself to look for in someone else. i guess in essence what i’m saying is i was seeking to find myself in another individual. and i did when i found her.

"when i talk to u i feel like im talkin to myself in the mirror” – her

and at this moment, it’s actually her in the mirror talking to me.”

“a goddess to all, in egypt or rome
greece too, she’s beauty, her face and her heart
like botticelli’s aphrodite in foam
she’s a masterpiece; a real work of art

poets write of her, those greater than me
more skilled with the use of a quill and a word
penning lovely prose of what they doth see
one that inspires; a title conferred

a muse to me, my feelings of passion
in describing her essence and all that she is
i “armani” words, that means i fashion
thoughts of us loving; dido and aeneus”

- me...on her

"i thought "b5" = me but it really equals "us".

by the way, if “b” was a variable that i was solving for in the equation “b to the 5th power = ”b” (b^5=b), then “b” would equal 1, 0 or -1. man, i am such a nerd!!!”