Re-Writes..."I Never Told Her"

"i had a thought today. the only girl i'd ever loved died while i was away. she was the only girl i'd ever actually thought i loved. but i never told her and she drifted away from me. she found another and lived her life. even though he was wrong for her. all three of us knew that. but she was beautiful and smart and had other appealing qualities that attracted us both. and he was there. and i never told her. and now she was dead. the funeral was filled with familiar faces. i walked past the mourning relatives and placed two fingers on her picture. i moved to her body. a tear rolled down my cheek as i grasped her cold hand. she looked at peace. i hoped she was. i walked up to the podium where our group was supposed to sing. it was extremely difficult. while i was singing, images of our experiences together kept flashing into my mind. the moment i knew i wanted her, the second i knew i needed her to love me, when i knew i could die for her. it seemed to me people were surprised i was so emotional. but they didn't know we had a history, even though we never had a relationship. it was like a secret was being revealed, and yet, it remained a mystery to them. and now, she was dead and i was truly alone. because i never told her."

11-19-99...it's weird how this thought and the next one were the basis on what i posted 3-31...more than ten years later...