Writes..."Patiently Waiting?...No, Not Patiently"

"they say good things come to those who wait, well i say fuck that! i gotta go with my man abraham lincoln who said, "things may come to those who wait...but only the things left by those who hustle", which is as hood as 1860 could be. plus, i gotta defer to the man who freed the slaves, based on principle alone. i keep hearing, "be patient", that i'll get what i want in the end. how? by crossing my fingers and hoping that things work themselves out in my favor. quoting the miz, "really?!...really??!!" that's the sage advice people have been giving me, "be patient", like that's supposed to be the answer to my problem. they look at me and i look at them and i think, "do you not know me? what in our history, what from our interactions would lead you to believe that i am a patient man?" i'm the antithesis of patience. if patience was personified, i'd be that dude's evil twin, lurking in the shadows, not being patient. b, patient? no. patience is a virtue? let me quote honest abe again, "it has been my experience that folks who have no vices have very few virtues." i'm just saying...so, tick...tick...tick...the hands of the clock move very, very slowly.

i know what i want, i want to be happy. so is happiness one of those good things you need to have patience to achieve. is it? quoting the miz again, "really?!...really??!!" happiness?! 'cause i would think that happiness would be one thing that people would tell you you sought out. get born, find something that makes you happy, die with that thing. there was a time when my ringtone was "go getta" by jeezy and kells. but i let people deter me from what i am. i'm not patient, i'm not. but i'm pretty sure those people wouldn't be like, "nooooo, you just sit back and let happiness come to you." you go get it. you gotta be proactive and i'm not talking about the acne creme.

hold on, i just saw it. this post was still in draft form when i saw that the reason i even started this one posted on the very same subject. which i find interesting. brilliant minds... i guess because in this situation i tend to take a more selfish position when it comes to the feelings part, i felt that i needed to write this. i know she's going through it with what she wants to do and how she wants to handle the situation and i understand that it's a difficult time for her. these days she's getting shit on from every possible direction and i don't want to contribute to that but this isn't easy for me either. so "patiently waiting"? that almost seems redundant yet here i am patiently waiting because i'm unable to do anything else. so yesterday, when we were talking on the phone, spilling our guts, the silences were filled with perspiring eyes from both parties. her voice trembling so bad i could barely make out what she was saying. she was hurting and i was hurting, both of us wanting but unsure of anything other than the feelings we have for one another. earlier, i said i wanted to be happy but the truth is i want her and the happiness that would come with us being together again. and right now all i can do is wait for her to come to the same conclusion."