Re-Writes..."Small Talk"

""hey, can i talk to you for a moment?" you say to me, peeking from around the corner. i tell you i always have time for you. it sort of surprises me because we haven't had a one-on-one conversation in a while though i've always found our time talking together a pleasure. you grab my hand and lead me away from the crowds of people off to a more secluded place. we start off with special talk, different happenings in our lives, catching up on each other. seconds pass. minutes. it's just like old times. we laugh and joke like when we were younger. but i sense there's something important on your mind. something that's not being said. and as much fun as we're having, i know you didn't bring me here for small talk. i ask you if there's something on your mind, something you want to ask me. you nod and go to the door, locking the door. to myself, i was wondering what's going on. you're acting totally out of character. you walk back over to me, sitting down in a chair that is directly facing me. you look me right in the eyes, put a hand on my cheek and say point-blank, "answer my questions truthfully because i have to know the truth." i tell you i will and this is the first time i feel i will be able to answer any questions about my feelings openly, without being vague or evasive. your eyes have penetrated the barrier i have built around my heart and soul. i have become vulnerable. and then you say it, "have you ever liked me, i mean, like wanted to be more than friends, liked me? any other time in the past i would have avoided this question like the plague, but here, now, and without hesitation, i answer yes. "how come you never told me?" and again without hesitation, i tell you it's because i was scared that if i told you i wanted to be with you and you rejected me, i would have been crushed, our friendship might have become strained and it would have been awkward for us. and how i didn't want to risk that. i think to myself just how clear and thought out my answers are. only i know how many times i've practiced them in my mind over the years. just in case you ever wanted to know. you seem to accept my answers with an understanding attitude and a knowing smile. "do you still like me like that?" once again i answer with a quick yes. "did you ever wonder how i felt about you?" i tell you i did but i'd always known we had a strong relationship and if we, eventually, had become a couple, it would have been because of it. i may have wanted more from you but i was content with our friendship. if i couldn't have been your man, i would rather have been your friend than nothing at all. this makes you cry. all the emotions of memories and wasted time. the room is thick with released feelings that have been stored up for years. even i, someone who has a past of hiding his emotions and reputation for being cold and distant, feel like bawling right along with you. i stand you up and hold you in my arms while you cry on my shoulder. you break from our embrace just enough to ask one final question. "what are you going to do about it now?" this time i don't have an instant answer. i didn't anticipate ever getting asked this question. suddenly, i realize why you locked the door. your man, my friend, was still around when we slipped away and is probably looking for you right now. now i understand all the secrecy in our meeting. and all the questions. i tell you i allowed you two to hook up because i care about you so much, that all i want in life is for you to be happy. and if you were happy without me as your man, then i would just have to be happy for you, even if it was eating me up inside. just knowing that you were happy were enjoying your relationship was enough for me. i'll always be there for you, whenever you need me. that i value our friendship and if your relationship were to end, i would be waiting for you. this makes you cry. i wipe the tears from your face and kiss your forehead. suddenly, we hear your man calling your name and we break from our embrace. i hold your hand as you turn away. your hand slipped from mine and walk to the door. you glance at me one last time from the door, blow me a kiss, and walk into the darkness, leaving me to sit alone."

1-21-00