Re-Writes..."Apathy"

“every girl in my life is pissing me off. every girl i’m interested in; or may be interested in. notice i said every girl; that was no mistake. i realize it sort of gives people the idea that i have a lot of females on my mind and in my heart. but it’s because i do have a number of females, both on my mind an in my heart. i know that and have accepted it as my reality. but i’ve also realized that i am not to blame for this shortcoming; they are. every girl i have an interest in; every one i’ve tried to be with. they are the ones to blame for me and the image i may have. it’s all their fault. because all i ask of any of them is a commitment. a commitment; some kind of promise to something more with me. nothing else. i’ve never asked any of them for anything other than connection. and yet no one will give me the satisfaction; no one will commit to an “us”. so i take these rejections to heart. and question why even continue to try? when the words you use to describe the feelings you have for someone are met with nonchalance? when the actions you take, even the smallest of gestures, are greeted with an apathy that sickens your very soul. my nature isn’t equipped to handle the sacrilegious attitudes that i am forced to deal with. and it seems that all their beliefs are contrary to my own.”

sometime in '00 or '01, i don't remember the exact date.