Re-Writes..."The Romantically-Talented Mr. Wilson"

“i take pride in the fact that i’m all about effort. the effort i put into sustaining my romantic ways, which is what i think makes me unique from every other man. how i try to tend to every single detail, every little nuance, that goes into an encounter with that someone special. whether it’s a solitary candle burning on the edge of a drawn bath after a hard day at work or it’s a phone call just to say how much i care for them. i’m all about a moment. but not just a moment. the moment. that moment when the time, the setting, and the mood are all perfect. so in my opinion, i’m not very spontaneous. to others, a romantic gesture from me may seem totally unexpected and surprising. but every act of romance is meticulously thought out and executed. every word has been practiced and rehearsed over and over in my mind. every possible exchange of dialogue is considered and analyzed towards any responses to be given. so with all this forethought, am i really spontaneous? it’s not exactly spur-of-the-moment romance. but i don’t want any asinine planning or awkward conversation to ruin this moment. it’s all about the presentation. i strive to make every encounter perfect. which makes it hard for me when the moment passes without my desired result. without the emotion i’ve been waiting for. like it’s being taken for granted. i hate that. i hate the fact that after a while romantic gestures from me come to be expected. and dismissed because that’s my nature, it’s just the way i am. when a heartfelt symbol of love is met with apathy from someone important to you, being a romantic becomes bittersweet. and it makes you wonder why even do it? why put forth the effort to show someone you love them? why not just be like everyone else and not care so much? i guess it’s because it’s not in my nature. i can’t not be romantic. and i can’t not care so much. so it seems to me that’ll be my downfall in intimate relationships. i’ll care too much and the nonchalant attitude of my partner will just upset me. which will make me just want to be alone. but maybe i’m wrong.”

sometime in '00 or '01, i don't remember the exact date.