Re-Writes..."Jack And Jill"

“jack and jill…he had entertained the thought many times, so much so that the idea of him actually being involved with her consumed him. to take the friendship they had forged over the years to another level. to establish a more intimate connection between them. but mostly, the idea that he could finally make her his own. that he no longer would have to compete with others for her affection; that greatly appealed to him.

but he knew such thoughts were unfounded; they’d had the “talk” many times before. “i love you jack”, she said, “but we’re at two different places in our lives and i need more right now. i have obligations in my life that require resources that you can’t provide me with; situations that you can’t help in. i really do love you. i love being with you and the way you make me feel. your actions have shown me that you’re everything i’ve ever desired in a man: nurturing, encouraging, selfless…and my heart is telling me to be with you. but i can’t. my mind knows that if anything ever happened you wouldn’t be able to take care of us. sometimes emergencies arise, expenses mount, and must be dealt with immediately; and right now, you couldn’t assist me, so i can’t be with you.”

and so he had been left to ponder the situation they were in, or at least, he was in. because to him, it seemed like he was the only one who cared about them as a couple. she had made it abundantly clear that the problem lie with him; that he knew the reason why she wouldn’t commit to him and that he held the keys to the development of any change to their relationship in the future. but he knew this was bullshit. there were many problems between them and she was the root of most of them. a lack of money was his problem but her indecisiveness was hers. it was the reason he questioned his feelings for her. at first, he had never doubted the way he felt about her, or about them, but her wishy-washy demeanor towards him and their situation had changed his outlook on them. he had started as a man who liked, and grown into one that loved her. but now he had qualms about that love…”

sometime in '00 or '01, i don't remember the exact date.