Re-Writes..."Broken Heart"

“if i were any other man, this probably wouldn’t even bother me. but i’m not, so it does. and if i was used to pain and heartache in relationships, maybe i could just take all this in stride. not let it affect me. and move on with my life. but i’m not, so i can’t. how does one get their heart seriously broken twice in the same week? let me tell you. on wednesday, i began to wonder why my girlfriend and i hadn’t been talking. so i called her and asked her what was going on. then she gave me this story of how she had been in relationships, one right after another, for a long time now and that she needed some time to be alone. i kind of thought it odd that she was saying this after we had been a couple for two months. you would think this was something she would have realized before we even started dating. but i guess she didn’t and now we were breaking up.

even before the time of our relationship though, i liked this other girl. no, she’s a woman. but there always seemed to be obstacles in our path. like the fact that she’s way older than me, she’s my sister best friend, and she was dating somebody else. oh, but most of all, because i never thought she would ever feelings for me. i knew she thought of me as a brother and nothing more. so a relationship seemed out of the question. but circumstances led me to gave her something i had written for her a long time ago. and she liked it, so i wrote her something else. even though, this new thought was just my catharsis on her situation with her boyfriend. and she appreciated the care i put into my writing. and she began to see me in a different light. the brother-type image she had of me was being replaced with a more sensual one. i like to think that the feelings she thought were only developing for me had just been dormant. anyway, she was still going with her boyfriend and having feelings for both of us began to confuse her. which caused me to be confused.

on saturday, i got my new ex-girlfriend to explain why she had broken up with me. the reasons she had given before just weren’t adding up. so she told me had really broken up with me because when we hooked up she had just ended a relationship with someone else. for me. but she realized she still had feelings for this other guy. and she had feelings for me. so she decided to just to be alone until she had sorted out her feelings and who she wanted to be with.

on tuesday, the other girl’s birthday, she, my sister, another of my sister’s friends and i went out to dinner to celebrate her birthday. we went in separate cars: my sister drove her other friend and i rode with the birthday girl. on the way home, she began her feelings on the situation we were in. how having invested six years in a relationship with someone would cause uncertainty about getting out of it. how the feelings developed that period of time couldn’t just be changed. and even though she had feelings for both of us, she didn’t think she was ready to leave her boyfriend yet. especially, with her being so confused and respective situations in bedlam.

so in the course of a week, love deserted me twice. lose a girlfriend. lose someone who could have been. i’m all alone with a broken heart.”

sometime in '00 or '01, i don't remember the exact date.