Re-Writes..."Immaturity"

““are you okay?” somehow these words ring hollow, somehow the sentiment behind them seems false, like some kind of public relations cover-up. a blanket to smother the fire. a kind word to soothe hurt feelings. but insincerity, or at least one’s perception of insincerity, is gas on the fire. “are you okay?” the idea that your concern may not be one hundred percent heartfelt adds to the pain. looking me in my eyes, bullshitting me, acting all interested. why? to question my well-being then is to know i have feelings for you. and the inquiry about how i was, the calming of the storm. me seeing you with somebody else, then you want to talk to me, see how i am. fuck you. if you didn’t want to be with me, you could have just said that at the beginning. but you didn’t. you and these fucking games, telling me before that you didn’t want this same guy i saw you with because he was playing around. and yet, you are still fooling around with him. this, i like him, i don’t like him, hot, cold, bullshit. fuck you. fuck immaturity. never had it, never wanted it.”

sometime in '00 or '01, i don't remember the exact date.