Writes..."I'll Accept Being Understood Pt. 1"

“i'm not trying to be accepted for who i am anymore; right now i'm more focused on being understood for what i am.” – me

“it took me a long time to change my thinking on the way i felt about how people receive me; probably too long to be totally honest. but i did; and i think it was because i finally got tired of feeling like i was being tolerated by others, like i was somebody they put up with…until they eventually came to the realization that i wasn’t going to change who i was and were forced to submit to acceptance. ‘cause apparently i’ve “triangle choked” a lot of those i’ve had relationships with in my day; and i possess a repertoire of various “armbars” and “leg locks” waiting for anyone who’s willing to spend enough time with me.

but maybe it wasn’t the feeling someone had to stomach me that caused the shift in my opinion. maybe it was the fact that people actually had the audacity to tell me, repeatedly i might add, they had “tapped out” to their acquiescence of who i was. ‘cause nothing says “i love you for you” like hearing something to the effect of “i can’t change you so i’ll just try not to let any of your quirks bother me too much” over and over.

her: “brian, i…i don’t get you; but you are who you are and i can live with that.”
me: “umm…ok.”

now i see in using diplomacy then, i’d responded improperly. and that if i had used a suitable comeback when she’d said what she did, the exchange of dialogue between us probably would have been…

her: “brian, i…i don’t get you; but you are who you are and i can live with that.”
me: “umm…fuck you.”

haha! i’m laughing, but only because i can see myself delivering both lines in the same manner: in a deadpan tone without raising my voice or losing my calm. and i think it’s funny she would’ve gotten identical reactions from me; despite the huge difference in what was said. but i digress…i realize now that the latter response seems much more appropriate, considering my current mindset; especially since i don’t remember ever asking for anyone’s permission to be myself, much less begging for anyone’s approval of me. i am who i am; you either like me or you don’t, but “acceptance” is no longer an option.”