Re-Writes..."Past Sentiment"

“i sit here and i ask myself what i could possibly give you or do for you that even remotely express the feelings i have for you; something of myself i could share with you that would explain what you mean to me. but i can’t. i sit at this table and stare at a blank sheet of paper in front of me. there are no romantic ideas that i have or thoughtful gifts that i can give; no beautiful poems to recite, no pretty songs to sing. my words seem lacking; my actions too. nothing seems adequate, i feel too much. i’m overwhelmed with emotions that are difficult to convey. so i continue to sit, just me, my pen and a clean piece of paper. a single clean sheet of paper. sitting here thinking of you as i stare at the paper, i see your face. i see your smile and i hear your laugh. memories of our experiences together flood my mind and i’m happy. i have to let you know the joy you bring to my life. but i don’t have the words. i can’t truly express myself in a way deserving of you. then i remember things you have said to me: heartfelt, loving things that have touched my soul. and i realize how i tell you isn’t as important as actually letting you know. so i write this… you always ask me why i stare at you and don’t say anything; you want to know what i’m thinking in those moments. first, let me apologize. i really don’t mean to stare; it’s just that “us” seemed so unlikely that you and i coupled is still kind of a shock to me. i look at you to make sure you being next to me is really true; that we actually are together and have feelings for one another and want a future with each other. i look at you because when i do i see all those things. and when our eyes meet i feel you see what i see. i feel it with everything that i am, everything that i will be. you told me before that you wanted to spend your life with me. you said it wasn’t wrong to say it because it was how you felt despite it being kind of fast. so why would it be wrong for me to do the same. you say you want someone to love you for you and all that entails? i love you! i love you because you are you! no pretense, i love you. you have the biggest heart of anyone i’ve ever met; your compassion for people knows no limits and i love that about you. i think about you and us all the time. when i’m not with you i feel like i’m missing a piece of myself. i long to be with you when we’re apart and i wish time stood still when we’re together. my life has been blessed because of your presence in it. i’m better just by knowing you. never forget that i need you, or that i want you. always. but maybe it is too soon to say it, maybe i should’ve held what i feel inside. and i’m sorry if i made the wrong decision, but i can’t keep my feelings to myself. you deserve to know it even if i don’t have the words. maybe this will do. maybe this clumsy attempt at expressing myself is sufficient to let you know what i feel for you. maybe saying i love you is enough. even if it is too fast, it’s what i feel.”

sometime in the past, i don't remember the exact date.