Re-Writes..."Torture"

“what am i doing? why do i put myself through this? this emotional torture. this heartache. i don’t need this. and i really don’t want this, but i can’t seem to detach myself from it. it’s like we’re permanent partners in life. me and unrequited love. a love that you continue to spurn. a love that you don’t seem to want. so why do i keep trying to give it to you? why? because i can’t help but wonder what would happen if you decided to give your love to me. if i would finally be happy. if my life would finally seem complete. but maybe it wouldn’t. maybe i’d be better off without you. but right now, it seems i’ll never get the chance to find out. and my heartache grows with each passing day. and my emotional state has become a life sentence. with no possibility of parole. no, life is too short. it’s a death sentence. emotional problems that are killing my social well-being. emotional problems that only death can cure. because i love you and you don’t care. but still i torture myself with thoughts of you. of us. i must be a glutton for punishment, romantically speaking anyway.”

sometime in '00 or '01, i don't remember the exact date.